Aries March 21 – April 19 There’s not a soul out there; no one to hear my prayer. Gimme, gimme, gimme, a man after midnight.
	Taurus April 20 – May 20 Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling. Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand? Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?
	Gemini May 21 – June 21 It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday, ’cause that’s my funday; my I don’t have to runday. It’s just another manic Monday.
	Cancer June 22 – July 23 Heal the world; make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.
	Leo July 24 – August 22 Oh, my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch a long, lonely time; and time goes by so slowly and time can do so much. Are you still mine?
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 Turnaround, every now and then I get a little bit angry and I know I’ve got to get out and cry. Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes. Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart. Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and then I fall apart. And I need you now tonight. And I need you more than ever. And if you’ll only hold me tight, we’ll be holding on forever…
	Libra September 23 – October 23 Lets dance in style, lets dance for a while, heaven can wait were only watching the skies, hoping for the best but expecting the worst, are you going to drop the bomb or not? Let us die young or let us live forever. We don’t have the power but we never say never; sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip, the music’s for the sad men.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 Loose, footloose, kick off your Sunday shoes; oowhee, Marie, shake it, shake it for me. Whoa, Milo, c’mon, c’mon let go, lose your blues.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow. I never meant 2 cause u any pain. I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing. I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain. Purple rain, purple rain.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 When I was young, I never needed anyone. And making love was just for fun. Those days are gone. Livin’ alone, I think of all the friends I’ve known. When I dial the telephone, nobody’s home. All by myself, don’t wanna be all by myself anymore.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on. Far across the distance and spaces between us, you have come to show you go on. Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 Its nine o’clock on a Saturday, the regular crowd shuffles in. There’s an old man sitting next to me, makin’ love to his tonic and gin. He says, “Son, can you play me a memory? I’m not really sure how it goes. But it’s sad and it’s sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger mans clothes.” La la la, de de da. La la, de de da da da.

Technorati Tags: horoscopes, november

	Aries March 21 – April 19 Before you do anything rash this week, the stars would like to remind you that those around you can’t help the fact that they’re idiots.
	Taurus April 20 – May 20 Police will finally catch you in the act this week, although the way you will be dressed will make them wish they hadn’t.
	Gemini May 21 – June 21 In a world of strife and oppression, you will stand alone this week, being the sole cause of said strife and oppression.
	Cancer June 22 – July 23 Your preference for cats over dogs will completely change this week after your cat gains the ability to speak.
	Leo July 24 – August 22 You will be wrongly convicted of several counts of manslaughter, which, to say the least, will totally blow a hole in your plans for the weekend.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 This week will see you achieving your goals as friendly relations between Finland and Australia break down for good after your little stunt at the Aussie Bar.
	Libra September 23 – October 23 With winter quickly approaching, you will want to start wearing underwear.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 Road trips can be a perfect time for reflection, especially when you’re turning another year older. The stars advise you to hit the road soon before senility sets in.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 The events of this week in one word: spicy.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 It will all come crashing down this week when your extreme stubbornness in following directions meets the maxim of the shampoo industry: lather, rinse, repeat.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 People have always liked to whisper the word megalomaniac in your presence, but after bumping your head this week your ego will no longer interpret it as a compliment.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 There are entirely too many signs of the zodiac.

Technorati Tags: horoscopes, november

	Aries March 21 – April 19 Always looking on the bright side of things, your boyfriend will note this week that, while you are definitely bored, you have yet to become boring.
	Taurus April 20 – May 20 You will really stick it to your nemesis, Billy Joel, this week when you prove that he was wrong for saying “only the good die young”.
	Gemini May 21 – June 21 You will move forward through time and space this week, as the planet will continue to rotate while it revolves and time will continue to march steadily on.
	Cancer June 22 – July 23 In what will later be described as one of the best displays of irony in recent times, you will find out that you are the last living specimen of an ancient race of beings that can actually predict the future through sexual climax but that also lack the very human ability to go back on their word only moments after taking a vow of celibacy.
	Leo July 24 – August 22 At the risk of having their advice fall upon deaf ears, the stars would like to suggest that you get a new hat because, at least from where they’re sitting, you look like an idiot.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 This week will bring confusion as you won’t be able to deciding which is more depressing: the fact that you are crushed to death by a monster trunk or the fact that you more distressed about making a mess all over the sidewalk than you are about dying.
	Libra September 23 – October 23 This week will see you in court over that thing with the guy and that squirrel last year in the park in broad freaking daylight, what were you thinking?!
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 After this week, being the best dressed will no longer have the importance to you that it once did considering that, from now on, you will be the only one who is dressed.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 The stars would like to remind you to read your horoscope here every week because very soon you will be advised on which wire to cut. That is one you don’t want to miss.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 No one understood the shit you pulled last week, why should this week be any different?
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Much to the chagrin of others this week, you will learn and relish in the fact that you alone are holding back a unanimous consensus on the idea of a perfect world.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 The stars would like to advise you to be a good person this week. It is, after all, your turn anyway.

Technorati Tags: horoscopes, november