The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.
|Aries March 21 – April 19
You will have to bear with your fiancée this week as he is just not able to keep pace with your thoughts on the wedding.
|Taurus April 20 – May 20
Having to crash your friend’s wedding this week should give you some insight on how your friend views your relationship.
|Gemini May 21 – June 21
This week, and from now on, just let your fiancée handle all the wedding plans. You have to understand that you have nothing to do with it.
|Cancer June 22 – July 23
When some people hear of your engagement this week, they will say “another one bites the dust,” which will remind you of how sad it is that Queen will not be able to play your wedding.
|Leo July 24 – August 22
You are happy for you friend’s engagement this week; that’s all fine and good and whatever. But doesn’t he understand that you need details? Details. Now.
|Virgo August 23 – September 22
Your sole reason of not being a bridezilla this week will be the fact that you refuse to be labeled with such an imbecilic term.
|Libra September 23 – October 23
Thanks to your best man this week, you will be able to say that there wasn’t a stripper at your bachelor party. For the rest of your life. Thanks to your stupid best man. Godammit.
|Scorpio October 24 – November 21
For you, tying the knot can be fun. But not as fun as untying it.
|Sagittarius November 22 – December 21
Your questions on marriage will finally be answered this week when you finally find the person to whom you want to lose the rest of your life’s arguments.
|Capricorn December 22 – January 19
The stars have looked deep into your future and decided that if you want your sorry ass to get married, you had better go through with this one since there won’t be a second chance.
|Aquarius January 20 – February 18
The best thing about weddings – the open bar. The worst thing about weddings – not being able to take advantage of the open bar because you’re the groom.
|Pisces February 19 – March 20
The happiness you feel this week is something completely new. But it is eclipsed by the fact that things are only going to get better.