I open up a can of beer
Yes, I know, It’s a lie!
I’m not a real man
as I don’t drink beer
I drink long drinks and cider
just like my little sister
I hope you’re all happy now
Anyway, I open up a can of cider
and take a sip of the sugary nectar
Honestly speaking, this feels rather pointless
as it doesn’t taste like alcohol
nor is it better than soda
but I guess it does the trick
You see, drinking booze is rather awful
I don’t eat dog poo for supper either
so I’ll just stick to my girly drink
and watch the world change, can by can
It’s filled with joyful colors and scents
pineapples, strawberries, apples and pears
Oh, wait, that was just me staring at the empty drinks
after ten of those my apartment still stinks.
Ok, fine, the world might not have changed
but it is true that alcohol makes every girl look pretty
However, my friend, you must stay cautious
a few too many and that “girl’s” name is Bobby
don’t worry, it was an honest mistake
could have happened to anyone, I feel your pain
next time just try to remember:
if it has a beard and it drives a truck for a living
it’s probably not a teenage girl.
But surely alcohol is the world’s greatest dance instructor
sorry Marco, but that’s just how life goes
After a couple of pints anyone can dance
with godlike moves besting Jacko himself
until the very next day something awful happens:
a video with your trademark moves is uploaded
and somehow those glorious moves from last night
look a lot like Rick Astley trying out the moonwalk
I personally think the “Tjernobyl child playing ping-pong” is an epic move
but perhaps from now on you should keep it a secret.
