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Horoscopes for February 23, 2009

23 February 2009 3,995 views One Comment

The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.

	Aries March 21 – April 19 Sleep. Sweet, sweet, precious sleep this week.
	Taurus April 20 – May 20 No economic stimulus plan is going to curb your rampage this week, much to the chagrin of your devout cat-lady congregation – and their cats.
	Gemini May 21 – June 21 This week, saying mean things is mean, know what the stars mean?
	Cancer June 22 – July 23 Let’s get one thing straight this week, the stars don’t speak in meaningless clichés to you for no reason. It’s the rules of the game in fortunetelling.
	Leo July 24 – August 22 Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing, Leo. And any test you pass is a good test.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 This week?
	Libra September 23 – October 23 Your plan to stop discriminating between things in your life will get off to a rip-roaring start this week when you begin with alcohol.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 They say some solutions just give birth to new problems and nothing will exemplify that more this week than when you curb the possibility of having your robots take over the world by giving them a sex drive.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 If you thought your trips to the bathroom last week were something else, this week you’ll be writing home.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Yes, at 11:30 at night on Sunday, even the stars aren’t above poop jokes.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 The stars would like to thank you for being so great this week. You don’t know it, nor do the stars, but it’s been said that you could be a lot worse and get away with it.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 When depression strikes this week, don’t turn to religion. Turn to something that makes sense, like the stars.