It was on a beautiful Spring’s evening that I found myself in the company of a handsome young man named Patrik Renholm. I had recently heard that this young stallion, known mainly for his impressive body of work for the esteemed webzine Better Than Sliced Bread, had taken it upon himself to start a new club under SUB, titled DERP. Curious about this new club I had got into contact with the man in order to sit down with him and discuss his new club.

BTSB: Hello, Mr. Renholm. Could I first of all say that you are quite an impressive figure of a man and a truly awesome person and that it is truly an honour to be sitting here with you?
Patrik: You could, and I thank you for your kind words. The pleasure is all mine.

BTSB: So, your new club is called DERP. Could you enlighten us to what it is about?
Patrik: Absolutely. DERP, which stands for Department of English Role-Players, is a club for English majors at the University of Helsinki who are into tabletop role-playing games. The idea is to get role-players and people who have yet to try role-playing games together in order to play RPGs in a safe yet academically minded setting.

BTSB: Tabletop role-playing games? Isn’t that a totally geeky thing for dweeby nerds?
Patrik: Absolutely not. Role-playing games, which as a hobby started with Dungeons & Dragons in the seventies, is a cool hobby for creative people enjoyed by many high-profile people including Wil Wheaton and Vin Diesel. What I’m trying to say is that I’m a bit like Vin Diesel.

BTSB: Ah, I see. Could you briefly tell us about tabletop role-playing games?
Patrik: But of course. Tabletop role-playing games, or RPGs for short, are basically a combination of elaborate games of make-believe and traditional tabletop games: the players create and take upon the roles of fictional characters, usually with one player acting as a referee or storyteller of sorts who describes the setting and story and adjudicates the rules that govern the players’ actions.

BTSB: So, like games where the players pretend to be elves and dwarves and roll weirdly shaped dice to fight fictional dragons in an imaginary setting?
Patrik: Pretty much, except for the fact that RPGs are not limited to fantasy as far as genres go. You can find sci-fi, cyberpunk, horror and even comedy RPGs.

BTSB: Ah, I see. Now, I can’t help but notice that the Department of English no longer exists, yet you refer to it in the title of your club. Why?
Patrik: Because an acronym as cool as DERP merits a bit of rule-breaking.

BTSB: How did you come up with the idea behind DERP?
Patrik: It came to me when I realized that there are a number of lapsed role-players and other people interested in role-playing games studying English philology at the University of Helsinki and I thought it’d be nice to get them all together. Also, I’ve personally had a bit of a dry spell as far as role-playing goes and haven’t been able to play for a while.

BTSB: Who is your club mainly meant for?
Patrik: Mainly for people who already have experience with role-playing games, but also for anyone who wants to try their hand at these truly awesome cool games.

BTSB: So, when will DERP be holding its first meeting?
Patrik: The first meeting of DERP is to be held on May 11th in Lingva at 6 PM. The first meeting will largely be about getting together and talking about what sorts of games we want to play. However, I will also be preparing an adventure using Labyrinth Lord which I can run at the meeting.

BTSB: Labyrinth Lord?
Patrik: It’s a retro-clone of Tom Moldvay’s Basic Dungeons & Dragons.

BTSB: A retr0-what?
Patrik: Let me rephrase: due to the fact that Basic Dungeons & Dragons is sadly out of print and unsupported by the copyright holder, Wizards of the Coast, a number of fans went on to create a game that is a near-exact copy of the game by making use of Wizards of the Coast’s Open Gaming Licence and United States copyright law, which makes it so that you can’t actually copyright the rules of a game. The end result is Labyrinth Lord, a game that perfectly captures the feel of the well-loved Basic game.

BTSB: Oh, I see. Why have you chosen Labyrinth Lord?
Patrik: Mainly because it’s a really easy game even for newbies to play and due to its fast play it makes for a perfect pick-up game. Also, while based on a game made all the way back in the eighties, it perfectly captures the essence of tabletop role-playing games in general.

BTSB: Thank you for this interview. You will most definitely see me at your first meeting. Can I play a Dwarf?
Patrik: Only if you roll at least a 9 for Constitution!

So, in a nutshell:
DERP’s first meeting
May 11th 2012 at 6 PM
Lingva, Uusi Ylioppilastalo

 Illustration by Johanna Ruuskanen

On the 17th of March of 2012 I had the displeasure of witnessing one of the worst demonstrations of excess and debauchery within the student community of the University of Helsinki. As a concerned member of the student body I felt bound by my sense of justice to partake in the 40th anniversary dinner party of SUB, which I have gathered is the student organization for students of English philology at the University of Helsinki, so that I could witness first-hand one of these celebrations of so-called student culture. What follows is the account of that evening.

The party took place in Käärmeenpesä, a space owned by Yliopiston farmasiakunta ry, located in a seedy location reminiscient of an abandoned industrial district in the even seedier neighbourhood of Kallio. However, I was at first pleasantly surprised by the decor of the place and the fact that the guests were all garbed in formal dinner attire according to etiquette. I had to rethink my position again as the greetings started: most of the gifts given to SUB by various delegates (including one from the esteemed journal Better Than Sliced Bread) were alcoholic in nature and while most of the greetings given to SUB were of surprising quality, many also resorted to vulgar humour in order to arouse a reaction from the audience. Furthermore, the former presidents and chairpersons of SUB turned their greeting into a self-celebratory farce which only acted as an excuse for each of them to open a bottle of spirits. I downed my drink in the hopes that it would help me recover from the shock of what I had just witnessed.

As the dinner party proper began we were each seated at two long tables and as we waited for our dinner we were informed that there would be singing at the party. As we went into the first song of the evening “Helan går” (a Swedish song that is a shameless celebration of excessive drinking) I couldn’t help but feel shocked by the boorishness of the events going on around me. The entire evening was punctuated by singing to my endless frustration, as the singing distracted me from one of the few not thoroughly unpleasant things about the party: the food, which was of an absolutely superb quality. Appalled by the vulgarity of the singing that was going on, I took solace in another drink.

In addition to the singing and the eating the only events worthy of mention were the two speeches given at the party as well as the mid-dinner performance. The first of the speeches, given by university professor Anna Mauranen, was on the subject of student activism and student participation in university politics, as Mauranen herself was apparently something of a pioneer in that field in her time as a student. A good speech that touched upon many interesting topics, but looking at the increasingly inebriated crowd around me I couldn’t help but think that the speech was entirely lost on them, for how could such a bunch of drunken revellers hope to accomplish something by way of student politics? The second speech was a much shorter and more sentimental one by the current president of SUB, Anna Kamula. Undoubtedly touched by the occasion, Kamula made a speech that was heartfelt and brief before she was whisked back to the dinner table to let the bachannalia recommence. In celebration of this, I took a drink.

We were also treated to a mid-dinner performance by Pilvi Kirppu, accompanied on the piano by freelance musician Anne Patosalmi, who sang to us three songs: “Wouldn’t it Be Loverly” from the musical My Fair Lady, “I’m Not That Girl” from the musical Wicked and “Journey to the Past” from the animated film Anastacia. The performance was simply fantastic and extremely moving; I even found myself reaching for a tissue during the second song. The absolutely wonderful and touching performance only served to highlight the atrocity that was going on around it, as the dinner was shortly nearing its end and there were no signs of the party coming to a halt any time soon. With a longing look at the ending performance, I comforted myself with another drink.

As we dug into the dessert which was of an absolutely divine consistency and taste I was made aware of a bus having been chartered to take us to an after-party. We were thus loaded onto a bus headed towards Alina at the new student house. There transpired some of the most confusing events of my student life: the party was non-stop, people were drinking liberally and the DJ, whom I had seen only a while ago at the dinner party, was playing music of the most scandalous sort all the way from the seventies to the present day. My confusion was compounded by the fact that I had somehow found myself in the possession of someone else’s shirt and had similarly misplaced mine. Having no other course to follow, I took yet another drink.

My next memories are at best fuzzy, but I recall waking up the next morning feeling extremely weary, still trying to recover from the events of the previous evening. Having witnessed the excesses of student parties, I promised myself I would never step close to one anytime in the future.

At least not before there’s a really good party again.

I am forever your humble servant,

Patrik Renholm

About the author: Patrik Renholm is one of the chief editors of Better Than Sliced Bread and he actually really enjoys student parties. Take the above with that in mind.

A tiny fashion report from SUB’s 40th Annual party (*)

This year’s anniversary party had a drastic difference compared to previous years: The dress code informed in advance was truly formal, not the smart casual we’re so used to in SUB’s sitsit. This stirred some conversation before the party: can one come without a long dress, should men have tuxedos? Despite of questions, a notable group of people attended the party with some beautiful garments.

Men in Black

This fashion reporter was happy to see men in black suits and most did very well. We were even lucky enough to witness men wearing actual tailcoats and one of our editors did especially well, wearing a top hat on top of everything! It’s always hard to make notions about black suits; if it’s well cut it suits you. What was left to be desired was distinguishable shoes; they would be a good way to make your outfit even more perfect! I have a feeling that this spring and summer we’re going to see more and more light and pastel colors in men’s shoes. Well-stitched white shoes are cool, but they take a lot of that, well, hustler attitude. So for many it’s easier to start from, for example, black-and-white shoes. Stay tuned for autumn’s colors; I think we might see more really bright colors (yay!). But altogether, what bunch of handsome guys! (Psst… The navy uniforms were really cool)

Girls in Rainbow Colors

SUB’s women looked gorgeous, as always, the notable colors this time being the different shades of purple. The few people I interviewed said that they hadn’t made their dress-choices based on this season’s trends, although there were some trendy red and powder-colored dresses in the bunch! Anyway, everybody looked fantastic. I even heard that some people made their own dresses, what talent!

One thing that this reporter wants to point out is that with long dresses it’s important that your hair’s done nicely as well (okey, I know that many red carpet looks have been very “casual” for over a year. But come on, they’ve put three hours to that one hair to look so airy). And note that it doesn’t have to be complicated, although we did see some fantastic compositions! There were Lady Gaga -bows, chains in chignons and pretty topknots decorated with origami flowers, plumes and pretty pins.

And guys, don’t underestimate good hair gel- with such a small investment you get the chance to make your hair stand in attention and be the final touch on your outfit!

I want to thank SUB and all of you pretty party people for making the night so great!

*Okay, so the reason for not having pictures and this article being somewhat short is the fundamental journalistic one: I was very drunk at the time.

BTSB's chief editors demonstrating the meanings of the words glam and fab, respectively. Also featuring a friendship plant.

Pictured: Two snazzy gentlemen and one classy lady.

Those of you who have been checking all the mail that comes through SUB’s mailing list should be aware of the fact that SUB will be celebrating its 40th anniversary on March 17th. Better Than Sliced Bread has previously discussed proper table party manners and etiquette before, as seen here.

However, an anniversary dinner, especially the fourtieth anniversary, is an occasion of slightly more gravity than a normal table party. Since an anniversary dinner is a much more posh occasion, we have taken upon us the task of highlighting how an anniversary dinner differs from a more traditional table party.

Dresscode

As mentioned in the invitation to the anniversary dinner, the dresscode is formal. That means black suits, white shirts and ties for the gentlemen and formal dresses for the ladies. PROTIP: If your suit/dress for your Wanhojen tanssit (if you took part in them) wasn’t a rental, you can put it to good use at the anniversary dinner!

Hats, if they must be worn, should be kept off at the table and should only be of the top and bowler varieties for gentlemen. Do remember that monocles become compulsory upon the introduction of top hats, as do walking sticks.

Etiquette

All standard rules of table party etiquette apply, including the ones that govern toasting and not talking during speeches. Also, considering the gravity and festivity of the occasion, one should take that last point especially to heart.

While there will be singing as usual at the anniversary dinner, unlike at a normal table party where songs may be requested by anyone, the tradition at anniversary dinner parties is to relay all song requests through one person, being the Master of Ceremonies (being my translation for “laulunjohtaja” on account of being so wicked). All song requests are to be handled through the MC in order to avoid confusion and such.

The anniversary dinner does involve consumption of alcohol, but in this moderation is key. While the point is to have a good time, it is also important to keep one’s own limits in mind in order to avoid breaking all of the above rules and making a spectacle out of oneself.

That is, until the after-party.

After-party Etiquette

All bets are off. You’re on your own. Enjoy and have a good time!

For further information on dancefloor etiquette, refer to SUB's former president Oscar Andersson.

Over the coming weeks you are going to be hearing a great deal about something called ‘NMES.’ NMES (pronounced ‘eNeMiES’) stands for the ‘National Meeting of English Students’, and it is quite simply the most wonderful thing ever invented. Each year, English students from all over Finland gather in the host city in order to spend a fantastic weekend together partying, singing, making new friends and all in all having an amazing time. This year, Helsinki has been given the honour of acting as the host city for NMES.

2012 also marks the twentieth anniversary of this event, however it is perhaps only within the past five years or so that NMES has truly come into its own. Helsinki last acted as host in 2008 when around 70 people were in attendance. Since then, NMES has grown enormously each year, to the point where this year, well over 200 people are expected to participate, including over 150 students from Jyväskylä, Joensuu, Tampere, Turku, Vaasa and Oulu. In fact, NMES has grown so big, that it has now reached the point where it is difficult for everyone who would like to attend to be able to participate.

As a result, BTSB is providing you with the following guide to knowing your NMES 2012 schedule, so that you can maximise your chances of participating in the weekend’s various events and activities. (Many details are yet to be finalised, so be sure to keep an eye out for future updates via the SUB mailing list regarding specific times and locations.) Additionally, we’ve put together a collection of some of our own favourite NMES moments from the past, so as to give you a clearer picture of exactly what NMES has to offer. So read on, and prepare yourself to be a part of all the magic that is Helsinki’s NMES 2012.

NMES 2012: THE SCHEDULE. * (Times and locations SUBject to change.)

Friday, April 13:

2pm – 4pm: Between 2pm and 4pm, over 150 students from seven different schools around Finland will arrive in Helsinki and begin to settle into their accommodation. SUB members will be there to greet them, and will also meet those coming by train at the railway station, in order to escort them to where they will be staying for the weekend.

7pm: At 7pm the traditional NMES sitsit will begin, which will take place this year at Suomenlinna. The NMES sitsit is a wonderful occasion which involves a great deal of singing, eating, drinking and general merriment. The highlight of the evening is the performance section, in which each school performs a short song, play or some other form of entertainment for everyone in attendance. At the end of the night the school determined to be the winner is announced and awarded the prestigious NMES trophy. Due to the size of the venue this year, places for SUB members will most likely have to be limited. So once sign-ups are announced within the next few weeks, be sure to register as soon as possible if you wish to attend.

12am: The sitsit after-party will take place at around midnight, the venue will also be announced in the weeks ahead. A great opportunity to party with friends old and new – you’re more than welcome to attend even if you’re unable to make it to the sitsit.

Saturday, April 14:

11am: Breakfast will be served for the tired and most likely hungover guests at their accommodation. SUB will need volunteers willing to prepare the breakfast, so again, keep an eye out for further details in the coming weeks if you would like to help out.

1pm: Time to break out the overalls! At 1pm the traditional NMES lectures will take place, in which staff from the host school deliver what will (hopefully) be funny and entertaining lectures for the benefit of SUB and the visiting students. This year our very own Liz Peterson and Mark Shackleton have kindly agreed to deliver the NMES lectures, so this will be an event not to be missed. Again due to numbers, it’s possible that restrictions will have to be placed on the number of SUBbers that are able to attend, so stay tuned for further updates.

6pm: 6pm will see the commencement of the NMES 2012 Amazing Race, where students from all the visiting schools will be mixed up and split into groups, which must then complete a series of tasks at various checkpoints throughout the city. Here all are welcome to take part in the fun – due to the enormous number of guests we will have, SUB will need to arrange a large number of checkpoints in and around central Helsinki. So if the idea of putting on your overalls and hanging out with a group of friends whilst being entertained (and possibly bribed!) by groups of merry English students from all around Finland appeals to you, then be sure to volunteer to help out when help is requested. If you’re going solo but still wish to take part, then simply join one of the existing checkpoints – a great time is guaranteed.

9pm: The Amazing Race after-party will take place at Käärmeenpesä in Sörnäinen, all SUBbers are welcome to attend.

Sunday, April 15:

10am: Breakfast will once again be served for our once again tired and hungover guests at their accommodation. Thank your newly made friends for a great NMES weekend by giving them the gift of breakfast.

12pm: Our guests begin to depart to all points of the compass to conclude another fantastic NMES weekend. Come along to say goodbye.

So as you can all hopefully see from this schedule, NMES truly is a great event, with numerous opportunities for getting involved, as a way of both making new friends and having an absolutely terrific time. To further illustrate just how terrific NMES can be, BTSB’s staff hereby submit to you some of their favourite and most memorable moments from NMES past…

– NMES 2010 in Jyväskylä was my first NMES outside of Helsinki. I’d been having a fantastic time, but found myself feeling like I was playing it safe by only hanging out with other SUBbers, and I realised that I was wasting a great opportunity to make new friends from other schools. So one morning, in spite of a minor case of nerves, I walked over to a couple of girls from Joensuu and introduced myself. It turned out that one of them was upset because she had lost her camera at the after-party the night before. As luck should have it though, I just happened to have heard that a camera had been found and handed in to the organisers, so I was able to give her the good news. The other girl was Tiia Joensuu, who in addition to becoming the chairperson of Echo (Joensuu’s equivalent of SUB) the following year, has also since become one of my dearest friends. But our friendship might never have happened if on that first morning in Jyväskylä I hadn’t decided that I needed to start making an effort to meet new people – something that I’ve been patting myself on the back for ever since. Since then I’ve made many more great friends from all over Finland at NMES by following the exact same philosophy – to me that is absolutely the best thing about the whole event, and all it takes is just a little effort.
Kristian.

– The clock had struck four in the morning and the after party in Turku’s Monkey had finally died down. But the night wasn’t over for me and a few of my closest friends. The early morning found us in a locker room getting ready to witness the second most obscure and underground performance of The Black Swan. (The performance that tops even this one included cupcakes.) The two boys, who had promised me and a couple of others to do this for us, had barely finished stretching and warming up when the audience of five (including two last minute arrivals who just wanted to know what the hell was going on) sat down. The ballet dancers/narrators gave their all with their (very) free adaptation of the movie into a live show, and we applauded as loudly as we dared as the room above was slowly filling with very sleepy students crawling into their sleeping bags. After the boys had taken their bows, it didn’t take long for us to slip into our makeshift beds. Many memorable things happened in Turku, but this is the one that always gets me to mutter “I can’t believe that actually happened.” Thomas and Nina, you know who you are…
Kristiina.

– On the last night of the 2011 NMES in Turku, I didn’t go to sleep. Instead, I somehow wound up drinking for 24 hours straight. It was the first time I ever did that and I’ve yet to do it again but, somehow, despite all of the drinking, it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. I remember waiting until 9am when the shops in Turku opened so that we could go buy more beers. And I remember feeling too self-conscious about buying nothing but beer at 9 in the morning so, in my infinite drunken wisdom, I bought a pack of candy to go along with it. I remember the bus trip back from Turku and how me and my drunken companion must have been incredibly annoying to everyone else on board. But we didn’t care! Because we were drunk! I remember getting back to Helsinki and going to a bar just because we were only mere hours away from hitting the 24 hour mark. Who were we to stop at about 20 hours? At 7pm, I remember that we finally called it quits and I went home to go do my homework for my 10am class the next morning (and, boy, did I get some interesting feedback for that homework…). But the thing that will always stick with me from that NMES experience (besides the fact that “’Twas Epic!”) is the friendship I made that day and the friendships that I strengthened during that crazy weekend. Participating in NMES is a must because it is the place where you really solidify your place as an English student and as a member of SUB, and you can do this without even having a drink if you’re so inclined. In my experience, at the risk of sounding extremely cheesy, I discovered a new side to myself during that NMES weekend and I feel like I developed a bond to the English community that I will never lose despite what the future holds for me.

Oh and about that bag of candy… It remains unopened to this day.
Jesper.

Laskiainen is by far the most underrated festival in Finland. Few remember when it is celebrated, and even fewer actually celebrate it. The only way it differs from a regular Tuesday is that school cafeterias and workplace canteens serve pea soup already on Tuesday instead of the traditional Thursday, and that the usual dry pulla-pastry has received a drop of jam or marzipan and a dash of whipped cream inside of it. In all fairness, not everyone remembers why Laskiainen is celebrated (‘the descent into lent’), but I personally wonder who on Earth chose pea soup to be the last delicacy we get to enjoy before a 46-day lent! (Not that I would actually fast, but on principle.)

In most English-speaking countries Laskiainen is called Shrove Tuesday or Pancake Day. Traditional activities in Britain include pancake races, in which participants race on the street and toss pancakes up in the air on a hot pan while running. Another, slightly more famous festival that derives its name from French is Mardi Gras. New Orleans is nowadays the head setting of this feast, mixing music, food, parades, colours, and masks. (It is the only day of the year when you don’t get fined for concealing your identity with a mask.) The English translation for Mardi Gras is aptly ‘Fat Tuesday’, which is a remnant of the time when people actually fasted, and Fat Tuesday, which is the day before the lent starts, is the last day when people are allowed to eat delicious food before the arrival of Easter.

The most famous pre-lent festival is the Carnival of Rio: with over two million people on the streets every day throughout the festivities it is by far the biggest festival in the world. The word carnival is suspected to derive from Latin or Italian, carne vale meaning ‘farewell to meat’. In the samba fever of Rio de Janeiro, however, it is disputable whether people are saying goodbye to meat, or rather to pleasures of the flesh – this year the health officials of Brazil handed out three million condoms to the carnival revellers.

Although these aforementioned festivals differ in size, content, and execution, what they all have in common is the sense playfulness, combined with the joy of spending time together as a community, and sharing the gaiety with one another. From this perspective the students in Finland have assimilated the spirit of Laskiainen perfectly: we dress in silly overalls, sled ride in unthinkable gadgets (this year’s finest was a pink car, although my personal favourite of all times was a sitsi-table on skis a few years back), and most important of all, share the fun with each other. While it would be inconvenient to samba our way through Kaivopuisto in a bikini in mid-February, we can stick to the overalls and spread the gospel all around, way beyond student organisations: Laskiainen for a public holiday, because it’s the official festival of FUN!

This month, BTSB took time to interview Anna Kamula, elected as president of SUB in the previous annual meeting after two terms of vice presidency. In addition to chairing SUB, Anna is currently active in HYY as a student representative and as a vice member of the preparatory committee, as well as in Hyal ry. as an event official.

So, Anna, nice to get the chance to hear from you again in festive circumstances. Last time you appeared here on BTSB as a oh-so-fresh student representative, this time you’ve tackled SUB’s presidency. Congratulations are once again in order!

Thanks! I’m excited about the new board and am sure this year is going to be the best for SUB yet! I know that’s a lot to say but I believe we’re off to a good start already.

First things first, this is a big year for SUB in terms of events. It’s the organization’s 40th anniversary and SUB will be hosting this years National Meeting of English Students in Helsinki. How have the preparations for the two events gone from the viewpoint of president? How are your speeches turning out?

Oh god, the speech.. Haven’t even had the chance to think about it. Maybe I’ll just wing it!

But yeah, both events are coming along fine. We have opened the sign-up for both events and are hoping for a massive turnout.

The anniversary dinner on March 15^th will certainly be a blast! 40 years is a long time and I’m so proud to be able to be a part of this all! I have my hands full since I’m also in charge of the actual organizing of the event, but we have an enthusiastic group working on it. We have the dean of the faculty of arts, Anna Mauranen, as a speaker. As a former student of English at the University of Helsinki she’ll surely be able to tell us a lot about what student life was like in those days. And people should keep in mind that even if they’re not attending the actual dinner they can attend the after party in Alina or take part in some of the other events the board is organizing around that time.

And actually it’s a big year for NMES as well since this will be the 20^th NMES ever. The event has grown to huge proportions during the last few years. When I started my studies in 2008 I think we had just over 10 people from SUB attending. This year we’re expecting about 200 participants from all over Finland! We’re having the sitsit on Friday in Tenalji von Fersen in Suomenlinna, and I think the venue certainly is more than acceptable for an event this big. On Saturday we have the traditional bar crawl where everyone is welcome. And stay tuned, we might have an extremely interesting and very important guest at the sitsit. The NMES committee will provide more information about the event later.

Following in a long line of capable presidents, how do you see the “State of Union” of SUB?

I think all in all SUB is doing well. However we have a few things that we need to focus on to make SUB even better serve it’s members. First of all we need to develop our working life and studies sector. We’re planning on organising more study groups this year and maybe even organising a “homework club” every two weeks or so in the student lounge at Metsätalo. The idea there is that people could come hang out there, have some coffee, do their homework and study. Oscar, who’s in charge of this field has promised to organise excursions this year, too. We’re always on the look-out for feedback, so, everyone, please let us know if you have any ideas.

Another thing I want to focus on this year is just that, feedback. I’m hoping we’ll be able to develop a working feedback system. We want to know what SUB members think, want and need. Without them we are nothing, and I for one am just dying to know what more we can do to make the time here at the University worthwhile. We started this process already with the questionnaire and will be bugging everybody with a few more of that kind during the course of the year.

What expectations in general do you have for your term and what directions will we see you navigating the SUBmarine?

I want to continue on building strong traditions for SUB. I believe traditions are a necessity for a community. Of course that doesn’t mean we can’t try out new stuff as well. I also want to create more structure in SUB, especially when it comes to the board. It’s essential we reflect on what we do and work systematically. To help this we have some new practices when it comes to meetings. Meeting times will become more regular and we’ll go over all the different fields in every second meeting to get a clear picture of what’s happening and what needs to be worked on. I hope this enables us to react to any possible problems.

You are immensely active in different student committees. Now with the presidency in your hands as well, how do you plan to give each post the attention they deserve? Presidency first, right?

SUB comes first, that’s a given. I have a lot of meetings every week, but luckily I also have a very capable vice-president. Toni can certainly give me a hand if I feel like I have too much on my plate at a given time. I’ve also left a few committees and organisations behind so I can give my dear SUB all the attention it deserves.

As a kind of a Devil’s advocate question, why do we need a student organization in the first place? Doesn’t HYY do a good enough job?

HYY does a wonderful job in many aspects. However the HYY board is very busy as it is and all the committees in the student union would not be enough to do everything. It’s very important to have smaller, more intimate communities and organisations within HYY. Not only can they report on subject or faculty related problems to HYY, they also provide a valid means of communication to the University. Lecturers, professors and staff can communicate with a larger group of students through subject organisations.

We mustn’t forget the importance of organizations in terms of new students either. Tutors do an awesome job, but for the new freshmen to really be able to feel like they belong to a community that is University students we really need the help of a smaller scale organization. How many of you feel like HYY is as close to you as SUB is?

What kind of possibilities do you see for SUB in promoting the cause of its members? How would you sum up that cause in the first place? Are there things we should keep our eyes open for?

We need to start building closer relations to the staff. Regular meetings between the staff and members of the board need to be started and we need to keep a closer eye on everything going on in the faculty and Uni.

I can’t really think of one specific thing that would be our biggest challenge this coming year, apart from the degree structure reform.

Finally, who is your leadership idol? Putin, Clinton, Mugabe? Or can we just agree that we’ll call you the Iron Lady from now on?

I guess I’ll have to go with Marie Antoinette. Let them eat cake! Or pulla!

Did you really think you had a choice in the previous question, Iron Lady?

*Hmph*

BTSB thanks Anna for her responses and wishes her a successful spring!

-Esko Suoranta for Better Than Sliced Bread

Christmas parties in Finland are in general the best chances to cheat your special someones, drink too much and dress in awfully “funny” Christmas-themed accessories, such as toy reindeer horns. These parties are also great places to show your impeccable sense of style. In SUB’s annual Christmas party that took place already in November BTSB’s fashion reporter saw some positive manifestations of this, but also a little bit too much of that same old same old.

SUB’s parties are normally known for their casual atmosphere and the Christmas party wasn’t an exception. To avoid any misunderstandings, this reporter fully supports the casual dress code -thing (except in anniversary dinner parties, where she thinks that cocktail dresses and suits without ties are no-nos), but still thinks that it would be fun for people to try out something a bit more extraordinary in their attire once in a while.

However it should be taken into account that Wäiski isn’t maybe the best venue for classy sassy parties, no matter how nice the being-on-a-boat-like-Old-Spice-man angle is. Changing the venue for a change could encourage SUB’s party people to step up their fashion game.

Luckily this year’s party also showed real glimpses of style and luckily no major fashion disasters took place.

Lassies and Lashes

This BTSB’s fashion reporter saw some really classy dresses on the party women. Traditional black dresses were accompanied with black dresses with a little extra something: glitter, interesting cuts and frills. This year’s Millenium-styled silver and glitter nostalgia wasn’t present in Wäiski, although it has been presented in many Finnish style magazines as the look of the Christmas party season. Also the twenties-style wasn’t there, although many SUBbers have showed already in the Speakeasy party that they can handle this style more than perfectly. Environment lovers will be positively surprised to hear that some second hand dresses were also worn very eloquently.

One thing that this reporter thought she saw too much was just plain jeans and sweater-style going on with both lads and lassies. If you don’t want to go for the suits and dresses, you can spice it up with just nice shoes, purses and other accessories.

Boys Ahoy

These lads with their suits, oh my! This year there were some really nice surprises: many men whom I have not seen wearing suits before had one on and it looked glam! A jacket, which fits looks great with only jeans and a T-shirt, not to mention suit trousers and a tie. Fitting dress shirts looked good as well. The so-called lumberja-, hipster-style manifested itself in the party too but individual tastes differ with this style, actually so much that reading about those opinions wouldn’t be interesting (go browse Gucci Goth and then play the Dickhead song, you get both sides).

Make My Party Punk

The SUB’s Christmas party fashion varied this year. So

me guys and girls really showed that it doesn’t matter if the venue isn’t that glamorous, you can still pull off cocktail dresses and complete suits anyhow. Only a handful of these positive surprises are captured in pictures below and hopefully they give some idea of the great variety of styles present.

On behalf of the whole BTSB crew, the reporter wishes you a Fierce Christmas!

Name: Klaus Miikka Tapani Nuotto Position in SUB: Working Life
Hair colour: Chocolate brown
Distinctive features: Umm, skinny boy with pictures on skin
Class: freshman of 2009
Favourite teacher: Jörgen Svensson (Swedish @ the language centre)
Hobbies: music (playing and listening), cycling
I admire: people who get things done in time
This is HOT: lava
… and this is NOT: ice
My beauty secret: smiling works
My tip for staying fit: cycle to school/work/everywhere
My biggest dream: to become a rock star ;)
Best styling hit: crocs with socks
Worst styling no-go: apron with loafers

Name: Naukkis Position in SUB: Mom (autumn)
Height: probably more than you
Hair colour: something between brown and strawberry blond
Distinctive features: hahaha no need to explain this part
Class: middle class? ;)
Hobbies: sports I guess.. and lots of other time wasters
Favourite food and drink: sushi? hard to decide! and milk :) not
together though!
I admire: confident stylish people
This is HOT: red overalls
…and this is NOT: any other color of overalls
Favourite outfit: overalls
Favourite assecories*: patches
My biggest dream: to move out of HOAS one day
Best styling hit: I’ll go with overalls again
Worst styling no-go: no overalls at all!

Name: Timo Talola Position in SUB: Treasurer
Hair colour: Light brown
Distinctive features or characteristics: Yes
Class: of 2016
Hobbies: Golf, Music
Favourite food and drink: Smoked salmon, Coffee
Favourite music: Chisu
I admire: Keith Richards
This is HOT: My band
… and this is NOT: My job
Favourite outfit: Shirt and trousers
Favourite assecories*: Earrings
My beauty secret: Money
My tip for staying fit: Student budget
My biggest dream: World peace
Best styling hit: My hair
Worst styling no-go: Hipsterism

*original spelling

Name: Mara Suikanen Position in SUB: Member Registry
Height: Too little
Hair colour: black
Distinctive features: Awesome sexay beardy! Kauluspaidat, awesome sexay glasses. Aqualung. Awesome sexay mask, maybe.
Hobbies: Dataus, feilaus, TST
Favourite music: Progressive folk metal
I admire: Stephen Colbert, Ronnie James Dio
This is HOT: Unusual noses
… and this is not: oma etureppu
My biggest dream: To organize NMES trips all through the year for money.
Best styling hit: Reisitaskuhousut
Worst styling no-go: Helmet hair

Name: Miika Tenhunen Position in SUB: Sports and Recreation
Hair colour: Blonde
Distinctive features: Glasses and an amis moustache
Hobbies: ampumapaini, kuopsuttelu
I admire: skillfully rolled Swiss rolls
This is HOT: Neon colours, Niko
… this is NOT: three wolves and a moon
Favourite outfit: Less is more
Favourite assecories: suspenders/speedos
My beauty secret: man-scaping
My biggest dream: an eternal tan
Best styling hit: underwear on top of jeans
Worst styling no-go: Sperm stains on the pants of a kindergarten manager.

Unfortunately the following members did not make it to present themselves, but are still very much actively part of everything going on in Sub:
Anna Kamula (Vice President and Relations), Toni Raukola (Freshmen and Tutors), Milla Rämö (Facilities) and Maria Aaltio (Studies). Many thanks again to Pilvi Kirppu for compiling these!

SUB, for those of you who don’t know already, is the student organization for students of English philology at the university of Helsinki, and the source of Better Than Sliced Bread’s yearly income. To celebrate the beginning of a new term BTSB would like to get you to know your local student politicians. Since there are a whopping 20 members on the board, this instalment will only cover the first 10 and we have been forced to leave out some of the information.

Name: Oscar Andersson Position in SUB: President
Hair colour: Brown
Distinctive features: Stretch marks on my back + happy feet
Class: Awesome
Hobbies: PC-gaming (Total War, RPG’s), long walks
I admire: My mother
This is HOT: Ashton Kutcher
…this is NOT: T-shirts
My beauty tip: Form your hair while it’s wet
My tip for staying fit:Running up the stairs at Metsis
My biggest dream: To one day dance naked at Alina
Best styling hit: Brushing your teeth
Worst styling no-go: Baggy pants

Name: Satu Lassila Position in SUB: Secretary
Hair colour: Brown
Class: ’07
Hobbies: Scrapbooking, watching tv-shows
Favourite music: Broadway musicals
I admire: Idina Menzel and the rest of the Wicked cast
This is HOT: Self-confidence
…this is NOT: Being self-centered
My biggest dream: To be happy ever after
Best styling hit: Matching Spice Girls shirts
Worst styling no-go: leggings as pants

Name: Patrik Johannes Renholm Position in SUB: Editor of BTSB
Hair colour: BLACK AS THE DARKEST NIGHT
Eye colour: GREEN/BLUE/GRAY AS THE GREENEST FIELD/DEEPEST OCEAN/GRAYEST BORING THING DEPENDING ON WHO YOU’RE ASKING
Distinctive features/characteristics: Black clothes, obscure 80′s goth band t-shirt, a bucketload of trivia about band featured on aforementioned shirt
Hobbies: Playing Dungeons and Dragons with my homies and playing bass in a cool goth band you’ve never even heard of.
Favourite music: Post-punk/new wave/minimal wave/coldwave/now you’re just making shit up-wave
This is HOT: Skinny jeans and winkle-pickers
…this is NOT: Platform boots and baggy trousers
My beauty secret: BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF VIRGINS EVERY DAY #gothasfuck
Best styling hit: What?
Worst styling no-go: No, seriously, what?

Name: Niko Pasanen Position in SUB: Editor of BTSB
Hair colour: Blonde
Distinctive features: Nipples
Class: Wat?
Hobbies: Gym
I admire: Miksu, pirates
This is HOT: Overalls, suspenders
…this is NOT: Hairy women
Favourite assecories:My yellow cap with a red ponytail attatched
My biggest dream: To achieve the stage of unbelievable awesomeness
Best styling hit: A woman wearing white pants
Worst styling no-go: A man wearing white pants

Name: Lotta Suikkanen Position in SUB: Webmaster
Hair colour: Auburnish brown
Distinctive features/
characteristics: Total inability to pronounce the word literature
Hobbies: Reading, watching movies and tv-series
I admire: Siri Hustvedt, Quentin Tarantino, Anna-Leena Härkönen This is HOT: Geekiness, Nathan Fillion, True Blood
… this is NOT: Narrow-mindedness, cruelty
Favourite outfit: Anything worn with biker boots, dresses
My biggest dream: Maybe someday writing a book
Best styling hit: Wearing something you’re comfortable in
Worst styling no-go: Shoes, skirts etc you can’t do anything in

Name: Kerttu Kaikkonen Position in SUB: Information Coordinator
Hair colour: Reddish brown
Distinctive features: Glasses, septum
Class: 09
Hobbies: Horseback riding, agility, movies, music
I admire: Bravery, independency
This is HOT: Being cool
…this is NOT: Acting like an idiot
My biggest dream: To be living somewhere in the U.K. (SCOTLAND<3)
Best styling hit: Jewelry & shoes
Worst styling no-go: Not knowing how to walk on high heels

Name: Mika Niemi Position in SUB: Clubs
Hair colour: Brown
Distinctive features: Tusinahumanistin parta
Class: -08
Favourite subject: Guinness
Hobbies: Movies, music, soccer
This is HOT: Red hair
… this is NOT: Harem pants
My biggest dream: Waking up between Bob Dylan and Neil Young
Best styling hit: Makee kotsa
Worst styling no-go: Ashton Kutcher

Name: Pilvi Kirppu a.k.a. Flea McCloud Position in SUB: Culture
Hair colour: Red
Distinctive characteristics: Loud, echoing laughter
Hobbies: Muzaac, dancing, RPGs, dog training, goofing around
I admire: My mom and people who find something funny about anything
This is HOT: Lava, fire, ovens when heated up
…this is NOT: Icebergs and my toes in winter
My biggest dream: My own detached house and a huge trampoline
Best styling hit: Attitude
Worst styling no-go: Not dressing according to one’s age

Name: Fabio Thunder (Fanni Dunderberg) Position in SUB: Mom (spring)
Hair colour: Somewhere between red and blond
Distinctive features: Nose
Hobbies: Cikling ja drinking
Favourite music: Spice Girls
I admire: Mostly myself
My beauty tip: Showering every six months
My biggest dream: Be very rich when big
Best styling hit: No hitting on the stylish
Worst styling no-go: Leggings are not pants

Name: Mia Lavanti Position in SUB: Party person
Hair colour: Blonde
Distinctive features: Venytetyt korvat
Class: ’10
Hobbies: Soccer
This is HOT: Ashton Kutcher
…this is NOT: Old men with pot bellies
Favourite outfit: Overalls!
My beauty secret: Beer goggles!
My biggest dream: To graduate
Best styling hit: Flask
Worst styling no-go: Greasy hair

Name: Minttu Aarniovuori Position in SUB: Party person
Hair colour: Blonde
Distinctive features: Blonde and cute
Hobbies: Running, forgetting things
This is HOT: Ashton Kutcher, Alexander Skarsgård
… this is NOT: Zac Efron, eww
My biggest dream: To graduate and be happy!
Best styling hit: Boob job
Worst styling no-go: Marilyn wig

…Of the ceaseless, dull hum of the refrigerators. The little-too-bright fluorescents. The groceries that enjoy the nice, cool atmosphere of the shelves. The drop of sweat that drags itself across your temple. Unblinking, you stare forwards: juice, cranberry and grape, juice content 35 per cent. You flinch as you realise a customer approaches your cash desk. The conveyor jolts into movement. An ice-lolly package draws nearer. Solero, Exotic. Beep. A bottle of Corona, chilly to the touch. Beep. A pack of grill sausages (meat content 42%) and a bottle of lighter fluid. Beep, beep. You utter the total and nearly forget to ask for the bonus card. Ka-ching! The customer, who is wearing shades indoors wishes you, grinning, a sunny workday.

…Of the days you can waste indoors, at the desk, at a work station, at a conveyor belt. The days of summer, which by old astronomical definition, start from summer solstice, June 21. or 22. and end at the autumnal equinox, September 22. or 23; or which by another definition encompass the summer months of June, July and August; or which by the definition of thermal seasons start when the daily mean temperature rises to over 10 degrees centigrade and ends when it drops below that limit. To waste the bulk of them. Working. At a summer job. So that you can save enough sugar to get through the prolix winter, only to summer again confined inside four walls. I am a summer child, to explain this effusion.

…That NOW is the time to grasp the nettle and go hunting for a summer job if you do not have one by now. Break a leg! (And don’t worry: there are summers to come when you have time to enjoy the sun, the Solero, the Corona and the crackin’ pack of bangers!)

Yours,
Klaus (working life rep.)
http://mol.fi/mol/fi/index.jsp
http://www.aarresaari.net/jobboard.htm
http://www.monster.fi/
http://www.kesatyo.fi/
http://www.barona.fi/
http://www.uraopas.fi/
http://urapalvelut.tkk.fi/fi/tyonhakuprosessi/hakemus_cv/hyva_cv/
(Post more links to comments, please!)

First of all, I’ll start by warning you that I won’t write about what an awesome year we will have, because frankly, I’ve never been a fan of stating the obvious. There’s going to be a lot of fun and cool stuff to do and we will keep you posted on that when it becomes actual. Anyway it might be worthwhile to provide you with some dates, so that you can schedule things in before hand. On Monday the 21st of February, we will have this year’s first party at Alina, but you will hear more about that later from Maiju. The next really major event will be the 39th Anniversary Dinner Party on the 19th of March. In April we will head for a visit to Turku, for the iNMatES 2011 (National Meeting of English Students), organised by Anglica ry on the 15th to the 17th of April. There’s lots of fun to be had, so keep those days free. The last two will have sign-ups and you will receive more information in February.

If someone had told me in the summer of 2008, that I would be president for such a big and wonderful organisation as SUB, I would scarcely have believed them. All through my teenage years, I was never the sort of guy to assume responsibility over anything, very much content with letting others worry about such things. Now I am in a position of great responsibility and that does raise the question: how have I come to this? To really get to the core of this, I’ll have to go back to my freshman year. I remember our orientation week; I was impressed by how much effort people were willing to put in to make us feel welcome, how wonderful the people were and how well-organised everything was. I was awestruck and endeared. You had me at hello and I was hooked to SUB, and you all, for good. I felt at home and I wanted to repay the favour by ensuring that the next batch of freshmen would be welcomed in a similar way. This made me run for the post of Tutors and Freshmen representative for the 2009 board. I did not expect to get the post, as I could only offer passioned incompetence and stated that clearly, yet I was given a surprising vote of confidence. Year 2009 was by most accounts a learning process for me as I had to rise up to new challenges, but I think we managed to give the freshmen an equally wonderful welcome as we had received ourselves. I followed up with a year as the Studies and Working Life representative, which resulted in me dabbling in adminstrative issues as a student representative. Now I am the president of SUB. It is strange where gratefulness can lead you. I never expected anything like this, yet here I am. A lazy, careless bastard in a position of responsibility, yet willing to work hard as I do not want to let you all down as you have never let me down.

Since I’ve started my studies here, I’ve felt blessed every day. Firstly I have been utterly impressed by the dedication of board members and other Subbers in ensuring that all of us are able to have a good time during our studies. Secondly one seldom gets to enjoy being part of a community of such marvellous people. I feel at home with you all and I want to ensure that others can continue to feel the same way as well. I am grateful that I can spend time with you all and I hope that this year’s board can continue to uphold the standards of dedication and warmth set by earlier board members. This might be an overdose of sentimentality, but I really had no idea what I set out to write other writing something about SUB and in the end when writing about SUB, this is what I felt that I wanted to write. You are the best and I will work hard to ensure that you will have an amazing year that you all deserve.

Yours,
Oscar A.

This is actually the third version of this column. In the previous ones I’ve told about SUB’s achievements this year, what kinds of fun events SUB has organized, how SUB is the best student organization there is, and so on and so on. But then it hit me: You know all this already.

I’m just going to keep it simple, then, so here goes: Thank you all for this great, great year. There are no words that could describe how great and amazing this year has been. Thank you, SUBbers, you dear, dear friends.

As for the goodbyes, I’m not going to open up as I thought I would. You already know how proud I am to have been the President of SUB. It has been an honor. But this is the way it goes: some have to say their goodbyes, some continue their career and others are only starting their paths in SUB. Congratulations SUB board 2011! Next year will bring some changes, possibly some challenges and lots of new possibilities. I am confident that the next SUB board is up for meeting those challenges and also up for creating something completely new.

It’s also the time to say goodbye to this year, 2010, soon. Let’s remember this as a year of great fun and great friends and let’s be grateful that we all indeed were brought together by this wonderful student organization 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Essi

Some of you may not know this, but there was once a time in my life when I tried to be an active part in those functions of SUB’s governing body, the board, that actually had any tangible responsibilities. I had a go at organizing parties and trying to run SUB’s facilities affairs. The less said about those two the better. However, the responsibilities of the editor of our beloved webzine came to me as a complete surprise, but I must say that it was a most welcome change of scenery.

Truth be told, before my tenure as editor I had never written anything for BTSB. I had considered submitting something many times, but I always chickened out, fearing that my insights on popular culture and miscellania would simply be too inaccessible to the general readership of BTSB. However, as I was soon to find out after writing my first couple of pieces for this zine, English majors are a bunch of geeks.

One of the problems that comes with the territory is the fact that you have to write. Before I made a single submission to BTSB I had a pile about a foot high of ideas for different articles I could write for the magazine, but I’ve yet to revisit any of those half-baked ideas during my tenure, always relying on my ability to come up with something new. It hasn’t always been easy and even when I really haven’t felt like writing anything I’ve always had to squeeze out something.

All in all, the past year has been a welcome change of pace. Whether I will continue in my position as editor of BTSB remains to be seen. At this juncture I’d just like to thank everyone who has thus far helped make BTSB what it is today and extend my sincerest thanks to my once partner in crime Maria Koistinen, now enjoying the wonders of the United States of America. Let’s make this zine something to be proud of.

And who know, maybe I’ll finally write that article about spirituality in Star Wars.

Yours truly,
Patrik Renholm

The 2010 season for the real English national team was a disappointment and our goal is to emulate the success of the great mother land. Job well done boys and girls! Englannin Maajoukkue is the football team, sponsored by SUB, for the English students at the University of Helsinki. The leading doctrine for Englannin Maajoukkue has always been that it is all inclusive and we have been happy to see a lot of new faces in the team this fall. Although we are not as exclusive as our namesakes back in the motherland, our success has somewhat followed their example; that is to say, we haven’t enjoyed much of it – But I bet we’ve had a lot more fun!

On our first match day we had a double fixture, as we played against Hämäläinen osakunta and TF Boys. In the first game we overpowered our opponents with a stunning 6-1 home win. The second fixture of the day was a tough test resembling last spring’s Barcelona – Inter Milan Champions League semi-finals with the more skilled side dominating the game and the other parking a huge bus in front of the goal. Needless to say, we were the ones in the parking lot. Alas, this time it was the more skilled side that took the points with a 2-1 victory over us. But it was a valiant, unselfish effort from our backline. We didn’t get many chances in the game but still we managed to lead most through the game with Valtteri scoring a fabulous goal that would overshadow Gareth Bale’s Wednesday strikes (http://www.footytube.com/video/inter-milan-tottenham-hotspur-oct20-60744).

The third and deciding match was a tough one, since we needed three points to qualify. Again, what we lacked in quality we made up for in spirit. Against a more skilled opponent, made up of future doctors, we tackled and battled, but after the first half we were trailing 1-2. Mixu scored with a brilliant finish that left the goalkeeper stranded. We improved our game in the second half, but were unable to come up with the needed goals despite creating more than a few scoring opportunities. Thus, we left the pitch with a disappointing 1-2 loss.

In spite of a disappointing campaign we are optimistic about the future. The futsal season starts November 12^th and as always we are full of confidence: This is the tournament that will inspire the next generation to nostalgically shout “Remember 2010!”

Futsal schedule:
12.11. Friday @ 12:00
17.11. Wednesday @ 10:15
24.11. Wednesday @ 12:05
(08.12. Wednesday @ 11:10) <- not sure yet

Games are played at Kumpulan Liikuntakeskus, Väinö Auerin katu 11.

Here’s Your chance to play for Englannin Maajoukkue!

Mika Niemi                     Jukka Kinnunen

SUB Board Member          Number 9