I will never forget a conversation I had with a childhood friend who was about three years younger than me at the time, maybe 9 while I was 12. We were in my backyard enjoying the sunny day when I told her I’d recently become interested in Star Wars. She looked me in the eye and asked, somewhat incredulously: “But isn’t that a boys’ thing?” I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t think of what to say.

It took me years to realize that my friend’s innocent question was symptomatic of our gendered culture and that society had taught her boys do boy stuff while girls do girl stuff. Looking back on my own childhood, I remember a mix of the two. You could catch me playing with Barbie, small cars and Biker Mice from Mars. I also remember being very fond of a black San Jose Sharks cap and my pink swimsuit. I suppose I was lucky to have parents who let me do my own thing. Looking back, I don’t think I was all that interested in what kind of a girl I was; I was too busy being a kid.

It’s very easy to find places where gendered marketing directed towards children (and their parents) can be seen at work. Go to any store that sells toys. Boys’ and girls’ sections are divided into different shelves and both are usually dominated by specific colors. This division implies you have to choose one when actually you don’t. What’s even sadder is that it’s not just toys that are being sold but ideas of what it means to be a girl or a boy. It creates two different worlds that don’t seem to have much in common. It plants the seed of miscommunication and sexism.

Happily, people are starting to see through it, but we still have a long way to go. I’d like you to watch this video of a little girl giving her opinion on gendered marketing. She hits the nail right on the head and uses far more sophisticated language than I ever could.

Kristiina Nieminen

Illustration by Johanna Ruuskanen

Finland prides itself on always occupying the top ranks in gender equality comparisons – prides on having a female president and a former Prime Minister, prides on having been the first country in Europe to give women the right to vote. Certainly we are in the promised country for women?

Well, there is a ‘but’. Even more than in women’s Euro, which is currently about 80 cents, the gender inequality is seen in crime rates, notably in rape statistics. In a survey from 2005 46 000 Finnish women report they had been raped during the past year. Many of them by their current life partner.

To do a comparison between different countries would be pointless because of the diverse political situations that prevail as well as due to the general attitudes regarding rape. It is clear that in countries where women’s rights are feeble fewer rapes are reported to the police, which is why the Nordic countries appear to be so high up on the lists. The figure is nevertheless too high, and only a fraction of the committed rapes actually reach the authorities’ knowledge (approximately 500 a year).

A recent sexual violence study from the U.S. reveals the horrifying situation there: every fifth woman reports having been raped in her lifetime. It is a symptom of a serious illness, the complete lack of respect towards the female body – and the whole gender.

According to the survey, 15 out of 16 rapists walk free. This is partly due to the low number of reported rapes, which in return tells its own story about the culture. Sex has become a universal human right, and if it is not freely available, as it in most TV shows is, it can be taken by force. Last year in France, a man was ordered to pay 10 000€ compensation for his wife for not having enough sex with her. Now the potential rapists have legal evidence that sex is their right, whether your head aches tonight or not. Of course the news coverage of this particular incident was vague enough not to reveal any actual numbers – was it once a year or once every decade, does not really matter, interpretations to be made freely.

Raping is not ordinary violence; the emotional damage it causes often exceeds that of the physical. It is rarely a random act of violence – most of the attackers are acquaintances or an intimate of the victim. In either case, whether the rapist is a stranger hiding in the bushes or the victim’s spouse, rape is always an act of domination, and the one being subordinated is rarely a man. In prisons the reality is different, but the principle is the same: the one being raped becomes the others’ ‘bitch’, and loses his masculinity.

Rape has been a tool of war since the early ages, and it is nowadays as powerful as ever. The war in Congo serves as the most recent and brutal example, but we don’t have to go back any more than 60 years before the issue comes unpleasantly close to us. Germany is full of fatherless people who were conceived by soldiers of the Allies, and after the Second World War many children were born in Russia with distinct Finnish features. The purpose is to crush the spine of the enemy by contaminating the women, and thus whole families.

Sex and violence appear to walk hand in hand conceptually as well. In a study by Deborah Cameron, which mapped nicknames for penis, it was discovered that the majority of the nicknames given by men referred to warriors or authority figures, beasts, or weaponry, such as The Hulk, King Kong, destroyer, or rifle. One of Cameron’s conclusions is that the results indicate men’s notion of the penis having uncontrollable ‘animal desires’, that ‘it has a life of its own’. As ridiculous as it sounds, the idea is supported by such high-status people as some court judges who perceive women’s choice of outfit as an extenuating circumstance in rape cases: the man sees flesh and loses all control; I came, I saw, I conquered! Considering that the majority of men are not rapists, it is them who should be more offended by this kind of statement.

The cure for the widespread disease – that of raping one’s own wife, girlfriend, or neighbour, is raising awareness of the extent of the phenomenon. The knowledge of not being alone is an immense help and an encouragement to come forward, and the more people step up, the more likely it is that the punishments become more severe. Perhaps it could be a central theme for our next president: “Finland takes lead in anti-rape programme”? Yet another thing in gender front for us Finns to be proud of.

Sub’s Christmas party once again had the great honor of hosting probably the most celebrated guest of the oh-so-festive Yuletide. Santa Claus had come to town, a month early I might add, and once again opened his gift-sack for the philologists in need. This year, however, it was time for him to pass the torch. Better Than Sliced Bread took the chance to exclusively interview Santa on the dark, but cozy, November night.

Santa has already graced the Sub Christmas Parties for twenty long years, but says that it has always been a pleasure and taking time off from his schedule has been easy. After the opening of the Nort Pole branch, the workload has been lighter and Korvatunturi’s never been too far away from Sub.

Despite the eternal demand for gifts, the global financial crisis has taken its toll on Santa’s business. Mrs. Claus has given him a hard time, as the elves are wont to go on strike and the elderly couple have had to do most of the shipping preparations by themselves this year. Luckily, North Pole is usually outside the turmoils of the financial world and Korvatunturi has so far shared Finland’s triple-A rating. Still anything can happen, Santa admits. For him, the euro is the better choice for the gift-giving business and he, unlike elderly elves V. Äyrynen and S. Oini, does not remember fondly the days of the Finnish Mark.

When asked for advice to the English students for years to come, Santa grows ponderous. After deliberation, he stresses the importance of consistency. Teachers should encourage early on the students’ choice between American and British English – to him this is as important a difference as that between Santa Claus and Father Christmas.

Santa will not elaborate on the subject of competitors, saying only that Santa’s the one who is fat and jolly. He has never personally met Father Christmas, but adds, on a quaintly philosophical note, that they both have their nativitanal niches to occupy.

On the subject of changes in human history, Santa has a lot to say. According to him, things have gone forward during his multi-millenial lifetime. He praises technological advancements, but admits that the pace can be challenging. Personally, he was appalled that the obituary comic of Steve Jobs at the gates of Heaven had St. Peter the first iPad even though number two had long before been available!

Businesswise, advances in technology have had an effect even on Korvatunturi. Elf work schedules and inventories are easier to manage, but the realities of today’s children have had their share of adding to Santa’s worries – according to him, their wishes are sometimes near impossible to fulfill.

Finally, BTSB asked if Santa had any last greetings for English students and Sub at the end of his awe-inspiring term. ”Sub will find somebody,” he says with a smirk and adds that the prospect of a woman Santa should be taken seriously. We come to the agreement that humanism, after all, is all about breaking boundaries. And who’d break more boundaries (of space and time, for instance) than dear old Santa Claus.

For Better Than Sliced Bread,
Esko Suoranta

“A Final Visit From Saint Nicholas”
Printed with Santa’s permission and wished by all BTSB not to ever become reality.

‘Twas the night before Christmas and one thing was clear
that old Yuletide spirit no longer was here
inflation was rising; the crime rate was tripling;
the euro in crisis; and our duties were crippling;

I opened a beer as I watched the TV,
with Calton and crew singing “Star Boys” off key;
the kids were in bed, getting sleep like they should;
or else they were stoned, which was almost as good.

While Ma with her ball-point was making a fuss
’bout folks we’d send cards to who’d sent none to us;
“Those ingrates,” she thundered, and pounded her fist;
“Next year you can bet they’ll be crossed off our list!”

When out in the yard came a deafening blare;
’twas our burglar alarm, and I hollered, “Who’s there?”
I turned on the searchlight, which lit up the night,
and, arned with my handgun, beheld a strange sight.

Some red-suited clown with a white beard immense
was caught in our eight foot electrified fence;
he called out, “I’m Santa! I bring you no malice!”
Said I, “if you’re Santa, I’m Telly Savalas!”

But, lo, as his presence grew clearer to me,
I saw in the glare that it just might be he!
I called off our doberman clawing his sleigh
and, frisking him twise, said, “I think he’s OK.”

I led him inside where he slumped in a chair,
and he poured out the following tale of dispair;
“On Christmas eves past I was jolly and chuckling,
but now ‘neath the pressures, I fear I am buckling.”

“You’ll note I’ve arrived with no reindeer this year,
and without them, my sleigh is much harder to steer;
although I would like to continue to use them,
the wildlife officials are convinced I abuse them.”

“To add to my woes, vehicle inspection dropped by
and told me my sleigh was unsafe in the sky;
I now must wear seatbelts, despite my objections,
and bring in the sleigh twice a year for inspections.”

“Last April my workers came forth with demands,
and I soon had a general strike on my hands;
I couldn’t afford to pay unionized elves,
so the missus and I did the work all ourselves.”

“And then, later on, came additional trouble –
an avalance left my fine workshop in rubble;
my no-risk insurance was worthless, because
they had shrewdly slipped in a ‘no avalance’ clause.”

“And after that came the taxman to audit;
the government claimed I was out to defraud it;
they finally nailed me for six hundred grand,
which I paid through the sale of my house an my land.”

“And yet I persist, though it gives me a scare
flying blind through the blanket of smog in the air:
not to mention the hunters who fill me with dread,
taking shots at my sleigh as I pass overhead.”

“My torn-up red suit, and these bruise and swellings,
I got fighting off muggers in multiple dwellings.
And if you should ask, why I’m glowing tonight,
it’s from flying too close to a nuclear site.”

He rose from his chair and he heaved a great sigh,
and I couldn’t help notice a tear in his eye;
“I’ve tried,” he declared, “to reverse each defeat,
but I fear that today I’ve become obsolete.”

He slumped out the door and returned to his sleigh,
and these last words he spoke as he went on his way;
“no longer can I do the job that’s required;
if anyone asks, just say, ‘Santa’s retired!’”

A slight growling in my stomach. It’s Saturday and we’re standing in front of an apartment building in Munkkisaari at 10.30am, wondering if something would happen. Then, it does: the head of a young man pops out of a second floor apartment. “Do you have a restaurant up there” I ask hesitantly. “Of course we do, come on in!”

We are the second customers of the day; the first is sitting in the hall enjoying his flambéed crêpes Suzette – we end up choosing the salty option: a crêpe stuffed with ham, bacon, lettuce, onion and mayonnaise. A hefty breakfast for a chilly morning, enjoyed in a cosy apartment with nice people and basically for free. What is going on?

This November, the Restaurant day was organized for the third time. What is remarkable is that the first national set-up-your-own-restaurant extravaganza was held only six months ago, which means the event is as good as rooted in our urban culture already. This time there were over 300 ‘restaurants’ to pick from, something for everyone all over the country. Sushi, sausages, desserts, barbeque, tapas, you name it. The amount was so overwhelming that my friend and I decided to make a list beforehand of the places we definitely wanted to visit. Hungry for some breakfast, we directed our course for Munkkisaari.

The ‘restaurant’ was called The Hefty Crêpe, and it had an actual (ex) cook preparing the dishes. They had only decided to sign up two days before and were not exactly sure what to expect. After all, in August, at the second Restaurant day, almost all places ran out of food. We, however, were well organized and would not be left hungry. Every place from breakfast until night snacks was written down in chronological order – those that served only breakfast or lunch to those who concentrated on late snacks and music. The only problem was that after the first visit there were still 13 places left – we started to doubt our eating capacity.

Fortunately, Restaurant day is not just about eating. It is a phenomenon that encapsulates a whole urban culture: snacks are served in art galleries; DJs are playing their music or choirs singing in the background. A drink enjoyed at a backyard sale, Wannabe Ballerinas handing out glögi and soup, eating dinner while watching performance art. The community spirit is at its highest at times like these – you feel like smiling at and greeting everyone you come across on the street. It is like a piece of sunny July day in the middle of November, all the woollen layers covering our faces coming off and revealing our smiles – what a wonderful city this is!

Now back to cuisine. After our mighty crêpes we concentrated on drinks: café au lait at a vintage shop (seasoned with a pair of sunglasses), hot chocolate served by moustached children straight out of a window, and an earl gray cupcake, which, technically, isn’t a drink, but nevertheless heavenly, at café Caneli. We lost ourselves for a bit in a girl’s wardrobe in Kallio, literally: she was leaving for Australia for a year and sold all her earthly belongings, some of it straight from her closet. Naturally there was also pie. I left with three pairs of shoes and a big smile.

As the night started to fall (at three-thirty in the afternoon, thank you November) we started to look for a bit of groove. We had the perfect solution: where else to look for a crazy party mood than in a Vappu-pop-up restaurant? Unfortunately, we had to face disappointment – this Vappu was extremely sombre. They should be punished for using the word for such a joyless event; even the balloons looked sad hanging on the walls.

We finished quickly our potato salads and doughnuts and headed for Wannabe Ballerinas’ glögi spot. On our way there we were suddenly pulled inside the parachutists’ headquarters in Töölö, who were holding a lottery at the time we came in. The mood was ridiculously cheerful, and it didn’t take us long to find out why. Everyone had brought their own flasks! This is because the authorities had announced they would inspect the pop-up restaurants this time, no one should be caught serving a drop of alcohol with the meals. You need a permission for it, see.

So what! It is also forbidden to serve food without permission – who is looking after the hygiene, Evira? It would be logical to think that the police would have something better to do on a Saturday evening in Helsinki than to chase people who are doing something worthwhile, such as serving strangers a nice glass of wine to go with their pasta. We did run into some rebels, though. In some places a shot of alcohol was called a ‘warmer’ for glögi, in others a bottle of sparkling wine, for example, was ‘just laying there’ on the table, and a coin could be left in an adjacent cup according to conscience. Hopefully bureaucracy will not come to stand in the way of evolving, lively urban culture.

Our final score was 11 places. We left the last one behind at 10pm, which was a classy underground recording studio in Katajanokka: funk and soul music and improvised food by Italian musicians. The whole day was an amazing rush of zest in the middle of the darkest time of the year, and it left me impatiently waiting for the next one (4 February, for the record). Let the imagination run wild and set up your own (I might myself)!

I’ve been here in Edinburgh for more than two months already and I feel like I can now really call this place my second home. I know my way around the main parts of the city and I’m beginning to have friends here as well. I mean, seriously, my social life is more than just people on Facebook and Fanni (also representing HY and SUB here in Edinburgh). I actually threw a party last Friday to celebrate my successful attempt in making salmari (it’s really yumsie, btw) and was pleasantly surprised at who showed up. Out of the guests, three quarters were people I know from the ISC (International Student Centre) and the others I’ve randomly met elsewhere. The ISC lounge has actually become my main domain for socialising. Whenever I go there, I always find someone I know who I can talk to or to play Bang! with. They also have free coffee and tea every day from 12noon to 4pm, which is nice! I have to admit that I maybe go there a bit too often… I may or may not have skipped a lecture or two or three playing board games and just socialising at the ISC lounge.

Of course I’ve done some studying here as well and I haven’t just been skipping lectures at the ISC. In fact, the best and most interesting course I’ve ever had is one I’m taking this semester, Scots and Scottish English. I actually jumped up and down for a while when I found out that the course was being offered this year, which might say something about my enthusiasm. But it’s not just the actual subject or the really good lecturer that makes the course a good one. Instead, what makes it even better is that there are actual living Scottish people on the course and the lecturer often makes a use of them to prove a point. This is exactly why taking a course in English linguistics is most useful where the language is actually spoken natively. I can’t imagine that a course concentrating on a particular variety of English would prove to be quite as interesting in Helsinki as the Scots and Scottish English course is. My other courses are also so much more interesting than anything I’ve had so far and I constantly find myself learning new things about the Scottish culture and the stereotypical things often linked to Scotland (e.g. kilts and tartan). One of the best things about being here is actually studying in the country I’m studying about. I can just step outside, or actually I don’t even have to step outside since I live with two Scottish girls, and take in everything this place has to offer.

I’ve seen quite a few new places since the last issue of BTSB came out. I went to London for the first time ever to see my aunt and her family, did a weekend trip to the Highlands and visited a whisky distillery. But even though I’ve seen many of the places I really wanted to see while I’m here, there is still so much I want to do. I still have to go to Ireland, Isle of Skye and take another trip to London. Paris is also tempting me as a possible spring break destination. I’m very glad I’m not here for one semester only, because to be frank, that would suck. First of all, my English isn’t good enough yet (even though it wasn’t that bad to begin with and it just keeps getting better and better all the time) and secondly, it would just feel stupid to leave when I’m finally having people to socialise with and stuff to do.

Even though I really love it here and, to be honest, wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, I’m starting to look forward to getting back to Helsinki for Christmas and already booked a flight which should get me to Helsinki on the 21st of December (unless Heathrow fails somewhere in the process). I can’t wait to squeeze my dog and see all my friends and family and to be able to get along by speaking Finnish. Meanwhile, I just have to keep Bang!ing in the backroom of the ISC with my new friends and continue making the most of being in Scotland.

The writer is a third-year English philology student with a minor in British and Irish studies. She will be spending the year 2011-12 as an exchange student at University of Edinburgh in Scotland. During her stay there she hopes to get better acquainted with the Scottish culture and learn to at least imitate the Scottish accent as well as make the most of the extraordinary scenery the country has to offer.

Travelling by tram has been one of the little joys in my everyday life. Even though I could catch one of the 105 buses that stop in front of my house, I usually end up waiting a bit longer for the tram just to get the experience. It has much of the same charm as the safari rides in amusement parks, one gets to marvel at the daily (wild)life of the people in Kallio and Hakaniemi, the most vibrant districts in town. However, lately the jolly safari rides have turned more into visits into the house of horrors: creatures jumping on my face screaming something or someone grabbing my arm and laughing furiously at my fright. The falling leaves have revealed something else besides bolding trees: horrible social ill-being. By this I mean the outcasts of society, the people that had made the park benches and children’s playgrounds their home during the summer months, but have now been forced to move out.

The nights get colder and these people who have lost their way in life need a place to warm up – and what could be easier than to jump on a tram? Usually just sitting near one of them is an experience in itself, the whole package for the senses: you see them (rather close at times), you hear them (rather loud at times), and you sure can smell them. Recovering from the first wave of inconvenience you might want to think about the person as a, well, person. In Riikka Pulkkinen’s novel Totta a girl plays a game with her grandfather always when travelling by tram. They pick a person from the crowd and start to make up a story about them. Sometimes the stories are happy, sometimes tragic and sad. In the case of the real world outcasts the stories are never happy, but it would nevertheless be important to picture them once in a while.

Take him: A bearded man in his 60s, has not showered for three weeks, the other sole of his shoes missing. He keeps his Gambina bottle in a paper bag, shouts random oddities to people passing him by, then starts to doze off in the steady rumble of the tram. Pisses himself. Nevertheless, he is a father, and a grandfather. He ran a thriving business in the 80s, lived in a row house in Käpylä, was married to a blonde bank officer who gave birth to his two children. They were the living image of a happy family, if you ignore the affair the man was having with his secretary and the antidepressants the wife was secretly consuming. But they were on track, inside the magical sphere of acceptance in society. Until came the depression. First went the business, then came the booze, then went the wife, then came the DUI, then went the house, then came the new friends. Half of them are dead now, from alcohol or drugs, some of them jumped under a train. This man is now putting all his might into getting up from the damp place under the bridge in the morning, yet he would rather stay there and wither away if it were not for the inescapable need to get the morning drink. Suddenly, you do not feel disgusted by him anymore, you feel sorry for him.

There are other, less visible examples of the growing gap between the rich and the poor everywhere along the tram route alone. A quite startling one is the bread line in Helsinginkatu, where Veikko Hursti foundation is handing out clothes and food twice a week for people in need. For a people who wants to forbid begging (in public) it must be a terrible shame to queue for bread and milk, but what other options are there? Most of them are regular pensioners who try to fill their stomachs from day to day. A society that does not take care of its elders, can you really call it a welfare society? The same fate awaits us in a few decades; although with the way the politicians are now going we might never get to ‘enjoy’ our retirement days. Our minister of finance Jutta Urpilainen is blindly keeping hold of her promise to the voters about not raising the retirement age. She will rather leave the time bomb ticking than add few more minutes to it. What do you say, should we take her for tram ride?

Teeny tiny phrase book:
Sitsit = An academic dinner party, where we sing, drink and enjoy each other’s company. You get to dress up really nicely and meet other students.
Afterparty = If you didn’t get a chance to sign up for the actual sitsit, you can always come to the after party where there’s dancing, drinking, etc.
“Mellansup!” = when someone shouts “Mellansup!” in the middle of a song, it means that you stop the song for a quick sip and then continue singing.
“Lisää tempoa!” = up the tempo (we want that booze, goddamn). Some songs are reeeeally loooong.
“Punishment!” = in some department parties, you get a punishment for breaking rules. SUB doesn’t traditionally use these.
Ryyppy = a shot of alcohol

The usual sitsi-program:
Coctail hour
Seating
First song
First course (something light, like soup or salad)
More songs
Toiletbreak (use it well!) when you can purchase more drinking from the bar
Main course
Songs!
Second break
Dessert
Songs
The Last Song
Do:
…go and see BTSB articles about suiting up for dummies and style with little money and see below for dress codes!
…start getting ready in time. Nothing is more annoying than having five minutes to shower, iron your shirt/dress and so on.
…get ready to be hangoverish: prepare yourself mentally to skip the class next morning, be sure to get some snacks and soda.
…be there in time, the cocktail hour is perfect for checking out where you’re seated and chitchat.
…pour wine and water to your fellow tablemates
…be polite!
…introduce yourself, don’t be shy, there’s no need to. You don’t have to remember the song lyrics or the toasting system.
…remember that there are always older students you can ask questions if something is puzzling you
…sing along, don’t worry if you don’t know how.
…have fun!
…make sure that you get home safely, usually sitsit are on weekday nights so check your schedules or take some taxi money with you
…remember to thank the sitsi hosts and your tablemates for your lovely evening
Don’t:
…panic about dates, you don’t need one for our occasions.
…get (way) too drunk. The sitsi hosts don’t really care for cleaning vomits.
…get (way) too drunk and have a truly memorable sitsi speech: You might not remember it, but others will and that’s a promise. (BTSB staff has had some first hand experience about this so we know what we’re talking about!)
…freak out about drinking, many students in SUB don’t drink alcohol and have equally fun at Sitsit.
…speak when someone is suggesting a song or during a song
…mourn if your song already got suggested, there’ll be other sitsit
…speak before a song starts
…stand up before the break if you’re not suggesting a song. This means that you’re not supposed to leave your table before the break.

BUT if there’s an emergency, run to the nearest toilet. And remember gals, a lady never vomits under the table, an evening purse is much more suitable for this.
Other things:

• Usually in the beginning, the sitsi senseis introduce themselves and let you know about the rules of the evening.
• Toasting: The proper way to toast is to raise your glass at eye level, then ladies nod first to left, then to the right and then forward. Gentlemen nod first to right, then left, then forward. After this you take the sip, raise your glass slightly one more time and then put it down. Remember eye contact all the time.
• Sitsit usually starts with the song “Helan går”, in the end of which you’re supposed to drink, well, bottoms up. But here’s a little tip for those of us who get tipsy quite easily: Just take a sip, seriously.
• Suggesting a song: you stand up, introduce yourself in English (“Hi I’m Kaisa!”) and then suggest a song. Say the song number clearly (indicated in the songbook). You don’t necessary need to start the song yourself.

 

Dress codes:
SUB is fairly uninhibited when it comes to dress codes. Traditionally in bigger student organizations, for example, Vuosijuhlat is very formal, some even require black tie dressing. But remember, it’s a dinner party after all and you should honor the event with decent manners and clothing.
Below, I’ve explained the most common dress codes used in our sitsit:
Smart casual (most common) = Quite loosely defined, casual but neat. For men this could mean dress trousers, long-sleeved dress shirt, v-neck sweaters, optional tie and a jacket, but it could also mean clean, neat jeans with dress jackets and a cool T-shirt. I’ve often noticed that men prefer to wear the whole suit thing together and it’s also perfectly fine. Don’t wear just t-shirts and sneakers.
For women smart casual in our sitsit usually means a coctail dress or a skirt. You can also wear trousers and a neat top. You can do pretty much anything with your hair: we’ve witnessed everything from Mohawks to sparkly chignons!
Formal = actually divided to white tie and black tie categories, but we SUBbers are quite tolerant with this one. Usually we have a formal dress code for the Vuosijuhlat/Anniversary party.
For men this traditionally means a proper suit, white dress shirt and a tie. Shoes must be polished and black.
For women this traditionally means a long skirt (if you attended Vanhat in your high school, that dress should do just fine!) and an updo or curls for your hair.
About breaking the dress codes: Yeah, most of us do remember Paleface’s white Adidas Superstars with the tuxedo in last years Linnanjuhlat, but come on, that dude could really pull it off! All I’m saying is that dress codes are simply guidelines and you don’t need to get stressed because of them, but still, they’re there for a reason. Dress codes are usually given from the party organizers because they want to help you not to over or under dress for the occasion and feel bad about that.
So when breaking the codes, do it with style!
Kaisa and the rest of the BTSB staff would like you to have awesome sitsi times!
Kaisa Leino BTSB, illustrations by Johanna Ruuskanen
Ps.
http://www.betterthanslicedbread.info/life/suiting-up-for-dummies-like-me/
http://www.betterthanslicedbread.info/life/looking-glam-looking-fab-but-with-what-money/
http://www.betterthanslicedbread.info/humor/the-gentlemans-guide-to-table-party-etiquette/

Dear Diary, did the start of Uni turn me into an alcoholic?

I’ll start off with a quick recap of the orientation week (the next couple sentences are quite effective cliffnotes of the whole story): I was drunk. Everyone else around me was drunk. I met cool new people. Then I woke up on a Sunday morning in Espoo after two hours of sleep with a taste in my mouth that somehow reminded me of crap. I had a blast.

9.9 around 8.30 am: I just woke up and somehow I realized life is good. Sweet. Back to sleep.
9.9. 11.10 am: I just realized I’m broke and I probably can’t afford my appartment for much longer. In addition, the chicken fillets I bought have gone bad and they cost something like a fifth of my whole budget. I also have a couple hundred worth of bills waiting on my desk. Sweet. Wish I could sleep some more
9.9. 12.01 pm: Why the hell is my bus always late? Bus 23 has been late every single time I’ve ever taken it to go to school except for that one time when it was two minutes early and I missed it. Why do they make schedules they cannot follow?

10.9. 10.25 am: We are off to Tallinn. I probably slept 2 hours last night but I feel like today’s gonna be totally awesome. Or horrible. Either way.
10.9. 10.31 am: We just got free candy and booze on the boat, so life seems a bit brighter than usual right now.
10.9. 3.02 pm: Oh God. We actually made it. After enjoying a (rather romantic) Royal Indian Dinner together with Joel for 50euros (I just love the taste of expensive when I have 21 cents in my bank account) we realized we were in a serious hurry. The girls got us a cab to take us to Superalco, and half an hour later we were (or the others were, actually) over 500 euros poorer and swetting all over the place, trying to complete a half-marathon while carrying a truckload of alcohol each. We made it to the boat merely 15 minutes late and with some flirtatious begging from the girls they actually let us on board. Hoorah!
10.9. 4.43 pm: The boat just arrived over ten minutes late, thanks to our awesome group. After we had poured a quarter of the drinks all over the terminal and a cider-can sprayed half of its contents all over some poor, innocent woman, we finally got the drinks into a car. We then decided to let the elderly students take care of the rest and sat down in a nearby park to have a tasting of some cheap, Estonian fruitliquers. Life was good, until the rain started. Oh well.

14.9. 9.57 am: I just missed my bus and I’m sitting in the rain, hoping to get to the most boring lecture of all time before I miss out on anything important. Gotta love translation studies. Anyway, I ”forgot” to write about our awesome Freshmen Party on Monday so I’ll get to it now. I spent three hours sitting in the rain under a tree. My overalls are muddy and my new shoes are probably ruined for good. A couple of freshmen from the last groups of the evening told me I wasn’t exactly acting like the nicest guy in the world when they arrived at our checkpoint, to put it nicely. Hmm, I wonder why. Well, atleast I had a friend with me to share the fun! Anyway, I managed to get adequately hammered in the end, thanks to all the free drinks sponsored by our lovely freshmen. I also got free candy, hugs and even a kiss (from a guy, of course), so again, life was good. The afterparty was where the real fun started, it’s just too bad I kind of missed the first hour or two completely, being too wasted to actually register what was happening around me. Thus I also missed most of the rather homoerotic plays of the freshmen, but I’ve been told they were amazing. After the first couple of hours I experienced a resurrection and finally unleashed myself on the dancefloor. Epic, swetty dancing and a great bunch of people made it a night to remember. By the way, the awesome lecture I mentioned earlier just started.

15.9. morning: Wow. It was pretty interesting to wake up at around 7.30am to see there’s a guy standing behind my window holding a large roll of orange duct tape. I live on the fourth floor and he was yelling at someone beneath him that my window is open. I was waiting for him to jump inside to murder me with the duct tape and carry out my precious, decades old TV, and I was pretty sure I would wake up from my dream pretty soon. Well, he didn’t jump inside. Weird. He just duct taped my window shut and disappeared upwards, towards the heaven, like an angel. When I left for school at around 9.50am I noticed the guy was still there, so it really wasn’t a dream, and he wasn’t actually flying in the air. I guess they were doing some kind of facade repair.

28.9. 2011 2.43 pm: Wow. It’s been a while. I wasn’t capable of writing anything during the weekend, but I’m going to give a recap of everything I can remember. First of all, Friday the 23rd it was time for yet another awesome Freshmen party, this time arranged by Humanisticum. Things took a turn for the worst immediately when I arrived at our check-point with a friend: no one else was there and the weather was once again horrible. I had thought there would be atleast 20 SUB-members and other students from the department of Modern Languages alike, but it was just the two of us and I really just wanted to turn around and run. Well, after a wait that felt like years we finally got some company and the first freshmen showed up as well. We were a handful of people and we set up a course mimicing the end of the Second World War, where the Allied forces of the West and the Soviet forces of the East were racing towards Berlin, rope skipping and trash bag hopping through the land. After taking over Berlin the two forces joined together in a moment of artistic expression, and we saw some interesting plays and heard some rather unique songs. The shows included a play about the forces of The Great Kerava taking over the rest of the world with nothing but knives, alcohol and ferocious kicking as their weapons. We also saw an amazing, perhaps a little lower budget version of the Eurovision song contest. After the shows the freshmen were free to bribe us with candy and alcohol, and thankfully many did exactly that. Like always, the best part of the evening was without a doubt the afterparty. I, once again, managed to get quite hammered and actually gained a reputation as a kangaroo-hunter from the land down under. I also met a girl who spoke English with a perfect Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, and she actually remembered all the famous quotes as well. Awesome times. Meeting new people from different majors and different departments of the faculty was a blast, and actually quite refreshing, as most of the parties I attend are usually filled with people I already know (even though I obviously love you guys).

Since this is already pretty tl;dr I won’t write anything more. Hopefully atleast one of you managed to read this ramble. Have an awesome autumn!

I can’t believe it’s already almost been a month. I arrived in Edinburgh on a fine Monday evening in the beginning of September. I spent the first week living in a hostel and mainly looking around in amazement (and shopping for necessities). The beautiful city of Edinburgh has made me clumsy in a way I never was in Helsinki, mostly due to the fact that I have started to look around me when I’m walking rather than looking at my feet. The other reason has to do with the fact that the old town of Edinburgh (where the university and all the important action is) was built in a time way before cars and these guys seriously still don’t (know how to?) asphalt the streets. As a result, I’m stumbling through every day and I’ve almost managed to ruin all my shoes. Damn those cobbles… Everything is so different here. Currency (I don’t have to convert the prices in my head anymore, yay!), accents (on a scale from 1 to 10, some people I’ve met have been 8, as in very hard to understand, and most people are somewhere around 4, so that I still have to concentrate in order to understand them), people from all over the world (I don’t think I’ve ever met this many people from so many different places! Edinburgh University is full of Americans and Asians, btw.), the culture, everything.

Especially the student culture here is quite different from what we have at home. Edinburgh University relies on students doing a lot of reading on the own (the fact that the Main Library is open until 2.30am daily does kind of hint to that direction). Most courses have three 50-minute mass lectures every week and on top of that a tutorial every week or every second week. (A tutorial being a compulsory smaller group discussion thingy usually led by a different lecturer than the one giving the mass lectures.) Because most courses are worth 10 credits, students are encouraged to not have more than three courses per semester. My weekly schedule of nine 50-minute lectures and one tutorial per week isn’t all that bad (less than it probably would be back in Helsinki). It actually leaves me a lot of time to enjoy my time abroad and to socialise (mostly at the International Student Centre with other international students) and to have hobbies (I decided not to stop horseback riding even though I’m abroad and I also joined a choir) and such.

The extra-curricular student culture is very active and vibrant in Edinburgh. There are hundreds of societies that more or less actively organise events for the students. Out of the huge range of societies, I chose Edinburgh University Equestrian Club, Edinburgh University Harry Potter Society, Linguistics and English Language Society, and Female Voice Choir. The jury is still out on the Water of Life whiskey appreciation society… Meanwhile, I am perfectly happy to enjoy cheap Guinness (from £2 to £4, compared to the 6-7€ back in Finland). Speaking of which, the university’s equivalent to HYY, Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA), actually has a whole building of fully licensed bars as well as a couple more around campus. Those bars have no age-limits, but they give out wristbands for those of us who are allowed to drink legally. This is particularly convenient for the freshmen, because people start university straight from high school, which means that some of them have not yet turned 18. One of my flatmates (I live with three other girls in University Accommodation, about ten minutes from where my lectures are and three minutes from the Centre for Sport and Exercise, which is nice) is actually in this situation and it makes me feel so old. I’m used to being the youngest everywhere, but here I’ve so far been one of the oldies. I actually met a 24-year-old English girl doing her doctorate the other day and I instantly started panicking about what I’m going to with my life. I sure as hell won’t be doing my doctorate at 24, that’s for sure.

So, apart from the age crisis, and trying to adjust to the independent studying, and struggling to understand what people are saying, and still having a lot to learn (which is why all my courses have something to do with Scotland, hehe) and the fact that I’ve only been to a handful of places around here (went to see Loch Lomond a week ago and going to Stirling in a couple of days from writing this), I know this is the right place for me and I really love it here. Everything is good in the United Kingdom. Even the sun is shining! At least for now.

The writer is a third-year English philology student with a minor in British and Irish studies. She will be spending the year 2011-12 as an exchange student at University of Edinburgh in Scotland. During her stay there she hopes to get better acquainted with the Scottish culture and learn to at least imitate the Scottish accent as well as make the most of the extraordinary scenery the country has to offer.

Better Than Sliced Bread conducted an interview with team representative and star striker Mika Niemi after an impressive 2-2 tie against MopSi in Töölö last Wednesday.

Mika, what’s your preliminary analysis on the day’s game? What gives?
- The decisive factor was certainly the lack of firepower! There were balls bouncing off the posts and the crossbar, but only two goals a side.

How do you see the strengths and weaknesses of the assembled team?
- I’d see it as our biggest strength that we’re so bored of the tragic plays of Shakespeare that we leave the diving film star aspect of the game to our opponents. For us it’s the attitude that counts. The weakness of the team must be the sudden realization at half time that some exercise might do us good!

What can we expect from Englannin maajoukkue for the rest of the season?
- When it comes to Englannin maajoukkue, everything is possible. You might  get a glimpse of the SUB president running after the ball like never before. You might see students no matter how old blending together. And if you’re in the team, you might even see us naked in the shower after the match, wow!

The white game outfit is rather nondescript – as team fashionista Miksu Tenhunen will certainly confirm. When is it time to design and get new jerseys?
- The white resembles our pure souls. Clean as a dove! No changes needed.

Can you inform new readers on the past success of Englannin maajoukkue?
- Past success? We once got a corner kick at the end of a match! Seriously, two years back we finished third in the indoor football league.

How about a word on the players present today?
- Today it was very pleasant to see two freshmen, Petteri and Lucas, joining our squad. I encourage everyone to do the same!

Thank you very much Mr. Niemi and both congrats and better luck for the next game.

Esko Suoranta for BTSB Sports

The main goal of this guide is to ease a little bit of that heavy burden of stress that our new batch of freshmen are carrying on their shoulders. I’m writing this thing mainly because I feel like I have to: I think I’m somewhat indebted to SUB and the whole community of English Philology for making my own freshman year the best year of my life. So believe me, I’ve definitely been there and done that. Also keep in mind that I’m probably the most pessimistic little troll you ever come across, so none of this praise is sugarcoated at all.

Don’t stress yourself to death and Don’t hesitate to ask for help
The single most important piece of advice anyone can give you. If you need help, just ask for it and you will get it. If you didn’t take a course you were supposed to take or you drop your fork in Unicafe, it’s not the end of the world. You have a hell of a student community around you, ready to help you with anything you need, and also a bunch of great teachers and other university staff to provide you with any information your fellow students can’t.

Do give the weird new people around you a chance
During the first meeting of our tutor group, people were exchanging awkward looks in a tiny classroom and almost everyone was thinking something along the lines of ”oh God, I’m surrounded by jerks”. Well, don’t let first impressions fool you. Try to get to know the new people around you, as they might end up being your best friends after the first week of partying. That’s what happened to me, atleast. Another thing to remember is that the scary, older students of the department are actually really easy to approach and getting to know them is really worth the effort. The only thing separating a freshman from a third year student is their sense of humour, as it takes about a month or two for every new student to develop their sense of humour to a whole new level of quirkyness.

Do have the courage to take part in as much activities as you simply can

The best part of being a student is being able to partake in a truckload of awesome activities.
Some of the activities might sound like weird or lame, but trust me, with the right attitude and a bunch of awesome people around you, you will have a blast every single time. Don’t stay home just because you don’t know anyone or because you have a lecture in the morning. Everyone else has once been through what you are going through now, and everyone else has attended a lecture with a hangover in the morning aswell. If you don’t want to be out late because you live outside of Helsinki and have to take a train or something, do not worry. Without a shadow of a doubt I can promise you will find a fellow student ready to offer you a sofa, a mattress or a bed to sleep in.

Don’t worry about having too much spare time
This might sound funny at first, but when I was a freshman, several people including myself were worried because we had so few lectures and so much spare time. It made me feel like I should have taken more courses, but midway through the courses I realized there’s actually quite a bit of work to be done at home and studying for several exams at the same time isn’t exactly a walk in the park. Take the courses you are adviced to get, if you feel like it’s nothing after the first period, take something else. Whatever you do, do not drive yourself to exhaustion and remember to take time off every once in a while to join an epic student party.

Don’t drink yourself to death
Well, this is an obvious one. Even though the parties are great, the people around you are awesome and the booze might taste good, don’t overdo it. If you happen to pass out somewhere, people will take care of you and even clean up after you have puked all over the dancefloor. But the thing is, there’s a pretty high chance you will have someone reminding you about the vomit and the passing out the next day or perhaps even the next week. So please, for your own good, whenever you’re drunk, try to act like the adult your parents tell their friends you are. Also keep in mind that you are by no means encouraged to drink alcohol at all: my friend is a teetotaler, and she seems to be having the best time out of us all every time we’re out to party.

Do take advantage of the libraries and Unicafes around the campus
These should be nobrainers, but to many, they are not. First of all, the libraries obviously provide great material for writing essays and secondly, you might even get a course book from them every once in a while. Use them. You can reserve books online and they will send you an email when the book you reserved is ready for you. Easy and simple.

The Unicafe is one of the most overlooked benefits of being a student. For only 2,50 you can get a decent, healthy meal every day of the week. There are Unicafes spread all around the campus, and you can check online for their daily changing menus to see where you would like to eat.

HOWEVER:
Don’t act like an idiot in the library or in a Unicafe
This is a major problem for many freshmen especially. I’m just going to list things you should hopefully realize yourself you should or should not do in a library or in a unicafe:

Do shut up in the library. Don’t reserve books you don’t need. Do take your books back when you are supposed to: it’s really annoying when you are supposed to read for an exam and some jackass forgot to return the single copy of the book you want. Do remember that you will have to pay 1 € per reserved book, and you will receive a penalty up to 10 euros when you don’t return your books in time.

Don’t waste other people’s time in the Unicafe; therefore don’t butter your bread in the queue or start counting your change at the cash register. Don’t start going through your massive new purse at the cash register to find your wallet. Do think ahead and also keep in mind that extra servings of food actually cost money.

Too long, I know, but I still hope some of you had the endurance to read it all the way through. May your freshman year be even a bigger blast than mine was, and remember, whatever you do in life, never butter that bread in the queue.

The end is nigh, as they say. A week from when this issue of BTSB comes out I take my leave for Edinburgh. I’m still having trouble to actually picture myself living in Edinburgh with only a handful of people I know and sharing a flat with three complete strangers. I am lucky to have found two of my three future flat mates on Facebook, though, but the total number of my acquaintances in Edinburgh is still to just five persons. The thought is a scary one. I have always had many friends and I like to socialise with people, so the first few weeks (or months, even) might be lonelier than what I am used to. But thank goodness for the Internet and phones, I will not be completely cut off from friends and family. Skype even allows me to have a video chat with my dog!

The end of something is always the start of something different. Always looking at the bright side of things, this next year is going to be awesome. I am going to move to a place I’ve only once visited before (that was for about three hours six years ago), but already love. I get to improve my spoken English, live with native English speakers (at least two of my new flat mates are Scottish, which is incredibly cool!) and study things I’ve been interested in for almost as long as I can remember. Also, I do know three other Finns from Edinburgh so I won’t be completely alone and I’m going to continue at least one of my hobbies once I get settled.

I admit I have high expectations of the exchange. Of course, I know anything can happen and I might end up hating everything related to Scotland. Still, spending time abroad is something I’ve always wanted to do and now I finally have a perfect chance to do that. And the university even pays me for doing it!

In a nutshell, a week from moving, I’m excited, scared shitless, and panicking. Promising, eh?

The writer is a third-year English philology student with a minor in British and Irish studies. She will be spending the year 2011-12 as an exchange student at University of Edinburgh in Scotland. During her stay there she hopes to get better acquainted with the Scottish culture and learn to at least imitate the Scottish accent as well as make the most of the extraordinary scenery the country has to offer.

(Note: Includes some serious charity marketing, clichés and almost naïve goodwill. The opinions in this text are by yours truly, they don’t necessary represent any organization’s viewpoints.)

I’m writing this during the summer vacation season and most of us have the privilege to just hang out in parks and enjoy the time of the year. Still my head is full of dark thoughts. Why? For two reasons, first being that my holiday is already over and secondly because at the same time, far away from my desk, every minute, a child dies because of starvation.

I am currently employed by UNICEF Finland and because of my work I’m seeing the consequences of natural catastrophes and conflicts every month. Usually my colleagues’ workdays and mine are quite normal, but sometimes when your e-mail Inbox fills with news about catastrophes, conflicts, or for example statistics about women’s body mutilations you cannot help but feel strongly hopeless and lost. Does our work make a difference if we can’t help all the children of the world, I’m just waste of space, why am I not in Somalia digging water wells right now?

Despite these feelings, this article is about hope and helping.

Because no matter how terrible forces ramble through developing countries, and how many children die every day, there’s still one force bigger than all this. It builds school from pieces of fabrics, it injects the life-saving vaccine to babies’ arms and helps a child from not dying because of diarrhoea or starvation. It makes me go to work and keeps me sane and not becoming cynical.

The force called hope.

You must have read about the disastrous crisis of Eastern Africa by now. A month ago there was a leading article in Helsingin Sanomat about this, written by the operator of UNICEF Afghanistan. You have heard the news, read the statistics and so on. Now, there are only three options what you could have done.

1. You haven’t seen the news. If this is the case, please go to unicef.fi and read more about the crisis. Then come back here.
2. You’ve donated some money to some organization that helps the people in East Africa. Congrats! You’ve done a great deed! You can jump to the end of this article or keep reading and feel good about yourself.
3. You haven’t done anything – you may not even feel anything.

I dedicate this article to you people in option number 3. First of all, I think it’s not your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong; in fact you haven’t done anything at all. What may be the reason for you not helping other people through organizations such as UNICEF is, of course, your personal business. However in my work I’ve faced many reasons for this and I would like to use my expertise to open them up here, and make you donate. I refuse to think that people are not helping because of lack of good will, we just need a little more hope and perspective.
The steps of helping

1. Recognize the need. First of all, find out a little bit of the need of help. Who are the people you want to help and what’s the best way of helping them. UNICEF is a massive organization that helps children no matter what their heritage, religion, political background or ethnicity. We believe that when we help children, we create a better future.
2. Face the facts. Here are some important ones:
• You can help and every euro does count. You can buy 6 vaccines against measles with one euro. Now tell me that one euro isn’t enough.
• People do need help and the world is changing. Check out this statistic: http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44114000/gif/_44114068_child_mortality_416_3.gif
• It doesn’t matter why you want to help. Imagine this scenario: an old lady wishes to be walked across the crosswalk and she cannot do it on her own. You go there and help the lady only because you wish your halo to shine brighter. You’re being selfish and your helping isn’t “real”. BUT. It doesn’t matter, the lady is across the street. She’s happy, you’re happy; it’s a win-win situation. The same goes with charity work. It doesn’t matter that being a monthly donator makes you feel incredibly relieved or happy. That’s just a bonus, you’re helping people in need and you’re feeling good.
• When you donate through big organizations, your help goes where it’s supposed to go. From every euro UNICEF Finland gets, we donate almost 80 cents to the target (http://www.unicef.fi/tietoa-taloudesta). Don’t let yourself be fooled, you deserve to know the percents of your donation that actually reach the targets. Ask direct questions form the organizations and demand clear answers.
3. Recognize the will to help. Well this is quite self-explanatory.
4. Don’t let yourself down. With all the news full of despair, it’s easier to put your head in a hole like an ostrich. No one can help all the dying children and that’s just a fact. I’ve often had conversations with people saying, “Well, if you can’t help everybody, what’s the point? Besides the world’s population is too big as it is, so we shouldn’t save their lives.” Now, there are three truly wrong points here.
• First of all, the moral behind this argument is bluntly “let them all die, it’s good for us” and I’m sure we can all agree it’s not good.
• Secondly, it has been proved by scientists that when we help children to survive in poor countries, we make the child mortality rates decrease and thus make the birthrates lower. To put it shortly, parents can have only three children when they can trust that their children will survive. So in fact, saving babies’ lives helps the overpopulation problem too.
• Thirdly, you don’t have to save everybody. Let’s use another example: there’s a fire inside a house and there are ten people inside. You can get only one person out and save him/her. It’s of course a terrible tragic that nine people got killed by the fire, but it doesn’t make that one person’s saved life any less valuable. If you could only help one, you would, wouldn’t you? Plus it’s great in UNICEF’s aid programs that we’re helping as many children as possible at the same time. Most of the help we’re giving is specialist help, which means that we help and give the tools to the local people to educate and protect their children
5. Find out how. For many organizations you can donate through the Internet. Or waltz to your nearest face-to-face person and ask how you can help through monthly donation programs.
6. Do it! Feel good about yourself, you’ve helped. And keep helping.

Why me? Because you can and you have hope.

(Not yet inspired? Check out these links and find out more:
http://www.unicef.fi/
http://www.unicef.org/
Academic Hans Rosling on global population growth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTznEIZRkLg&feature=relmfu)

Dear newbie,

Starting as a new student is fun, exciting and stressful.  Your tutors are there to help you get started and make sense of course sign-ups, UniCafe and the campus with its buildings.  The evenings (and nights) of the orientation week are busy with activity meant for breaking the ice.  However, amidst the swirl of all things new and shiny there’s a but.

Let’s face it, not all us are extroverted and ready to jump into the action with strangers at the drop of a hat. I know this because I only attended a game night and attempted to join Amazing Race and left my team after barely an hour.  It was not due to lack of excitement or wanting to make friends.  It simply wasn’t for me.  Performing silly tasks between (possibly) witty banter wasn’t something I could do without feeling indescribably awkward.  So I passed.  I skipped a lot of parties at first, too.

I dealt with this reserved stance by stubbornly gluing myself onto someone who has since then become one of my best friends.  She can be pretty shy, too.  Choosing to befriend only a couple of people in the beginning meant that when I finally started to take part in SUB’s activities, I didn’t really know anyone else.  Luckily SUB is a very welcoming student organization and it was easy once my armor fell off.  I began exploring the opportunities of SUB with this webzine and I haven’t looked back.  It looks like I am one of the people organizing this big and classy party in the spring.

Clearly, arriving late doesn’t mean you can’t catch up.

Yours,

Kristiina

So, another awesome issue of an awesome webzine is coming up. One day before the deadline I, once again, haven’t written anything. I think I’ve been busy, but hell, isn’t everyone ”busy” nearly every day of the year? We always have better things to do than write poetry, essays, or take care of our children. Those better things are usually served in pints with icecubes.

Summer is the time of the year when everyone is especially busy, busy relaxing, swetting and drinking. No time for anything that requires more than level two intelligence. That’s exactly what I love about summer. The thing is, as I have no idea what I’m actually going to write, I’m going Virginia Woolf on you guys. There’s actually a pretty weird mark on my wall, but I’ll get back to it.

Summer. Summer is the time of the year when students hang around with their friends at the beach and get wasted every day. Oh-so-clearly-illegal girls in bikinis and miniskirts are everywhere, and the shirtless fat guy rollerblading around the town in blue speedos is a clear sign of what summer is truly about: freedom. Freedom to be fat, freedom to be shirtless, and freedom to wear damn tight banana hammocks in public. The conservative, uptight Finland of the cold winter days is gone in a blink of an eye as soon as the heat kicks in.

Of course, knowing how the Finnish people behave in general, this drastic change might be helped a tiny bit by the massive consumption of beer. King Ale rules the land during the summer days, as pretty much everyone from teenage girls to 80 year old turtles drag their own bodyweight’s worth of beer out of the local grocery store. It’s actually funny that the newspapers report that dehydration caused by the heat threatens the lives of the elderly people of the country, but no one wants to ban people over 60 from buying alcohol. That’s another clear case of summer idealism: we are free to do whatever the hell we want during the summer. Who the hell cares if we might die doing as we please, as long as we can actually choose what to do?

I’m going to spend a hefty portion of my ”vacation” studying for exams, and after I’m done with the exams in the end of July, I’ll be working for a month while getting ready to guide the next patch of freshmen (oh my God, my freshman years are over soon). All this because I can! Well, more like because I’m a lamer, but still. Who cares if I lose my mind, I’m free to do as I please. I might even wear speedos while I study. I hope you all enjoy the summer to the fullest, just beware of old folks going topless at the beach. You might not be able to live with the sight, or you might end up liking it. Can’t say which is worse. Over and out.

The summer often means people will disperse around the city, the country and even the world to work, chill and see their families who’ve been asking for a visit from their prodigal sons and daughters for months. So if one sunny afternoon you find yourself with an aching desire to see our webzine’s staff during the long and lonely weeks of summer vacation, here’s where you’ll find them and why they’ve chosen to go to these must-see spots.

Judas Priest – Epitaph Tour @ Sauna Open Air, Tampere, June 11th

A foolproof way to meet BTSB journalist Esko Suoranta this summer is to head for Tampere in mid-June. There, in beautiful Eteläpuisto, he can be found, hell bent for leather, screaming for vengeance and ready to break the law. Apparently, British heavy metal pioneers Judas Priest will be there for their farewell world tour.

Mr. Suoranta was unavailable for comment at this time, but frantically scribbled notes found on his desk reveal that he has become a ‟victim of changes”, joined some nefarious cult of ‟metal gods” and has promoted himself to the office of ‟turbo lover”. Mr. Suoranta was last seen crashing a mock-Harley motorcycle in front of his residence in Helsinki, but managed to escape before the police could take him to custody. People named ‟Halford” are advised to exercise caution while the journalist is at large. BTSB would appreciate all sightings of Mr. Suoranta.

Niko Pasanen’s plan for June consists of sitting on his very own sweet brown leather sofa reading American Literature. Why? Because he’ll rather take a month of suffering now instead of the six months of lectures next year, when he might actually have something close to a “life”. His plan for July consists of sitting on his very own sweet brown leather sofa reading for the Victorian Literature exam. Why? “Because I’m an idiot,” he says. Why should others do this as well? Umm, they shouldn’t.

The chief editor of Better Than Sliced Bread can easily be spotted working from nine to five in the lovely suburb of Tapiola, Espoo. He can found spending most of his time working behind the register at McDonald’s or in the kitchen thereof. However, in early September this majestic beast will take flight towards Berlin, Germany, for Drop Dead Festival. A DIY music festival that features musical ‘genres’ as varied as mutant wave, deathrock and post-punk, Drop Dead is either an indie festival for goths or a goth festival for hipsters. If you’re at all into dark and weird music, consider attending, as the tickets are cheap and flights to Berlin are of negligible price.

For more information, visit http://www.dropdeadfestival.com/

Another plane trip away, Scotland awaits. Our dearest comic artist Kaisa can be found in Edinburgh in August, rummaging around pubs and hunting the monster of Loch Lomond (or what was it again…). Edinburgh is known for its handsome kilt-wearing men, cool castle, whiskey and also Fringe, a theatre festival lasting the whole of August. Fringe hosts a versatile variation of stand-up shows, amateur theatre pieces, musicals and so on. Edinburgh hostels are all booked in August because of the festival, but this beautiful city is also at its best in autumn.

Back to Finland. The Finnish Archipelago of Turku and Åland is the place where she would happily spend all her summers. If she weren’t busy working as a mailwoman in Itäkeskus, she would definitely go there this year, too. The sea, the fresh air, the endless peace and quiet only to be occasionally distracted by seagulls flying by; where could one find a better place for relaxing after a busy year at the University? There is something different about the Archipelago. Kerttu has spent most of her summers so far sailing around the area and many of my relatives have summer cottages there so the Finnish Archipelago will always have a special place in her heart. That’s plenty of reason for anyone to go check it out.

And the very jobless yours truly will mostly be spending her summer in Helsinki, lounging lazily in the sun with a book as she is kind of taking summer exams. But occasionally, I will make a trip to the north to my original hoods in the heart of Kainuu, the town of Kajaani with a population of some 40,000 people. The town center is small and easily seen on foot. Picnics by the river may get visits from intoxicated men asking you to get something for them from the liquor store, but hey, shooing them away is quite easy. In June, the main street will be taken over by a traditional market where you can get anything from canned fish to knitwear. (A protip: buy your food from the Thai food tent, it’s cheap and the best you can get at the market.) I always go there, even with the very real possibility of running into people I knew in my life there. Oh, and there’s a big lake as well. You can swim in it. But if none of that tickles your fancy: I’ve got a terrace, an ice cube machine and a sun chair or two. And I just might be willing to share.

Summer’s here. The weather might not look like it all the time, but judging by the fact that most students have already retired from studying and settled into a life of partying, it’s readily apparent that the academic year is pretty much over already. It’s time to kick back and relax.

However, before you set out to the greener pastures for the summer, it’s important that you handle those last remaining things or at the very least make a mental note of what must be done schoolwise during these coming summer months. Here’s a few for myself:

Remember to Sign up for Courses:

One of the first things I learned about the university following my first summer break was that signing up for courses should be done well ahead of time and you should put aside more time than just one hour a day before the deadline for signing up. No, really, it takes time. Not only is there actually choosing course but finding those courses which do not coincide with each other so you can at the very least make it to all of the lectures in theory. Oh, and in case you’re a teacher trainee like yours truly, do note that the signing up for pedagogical studies has already started. Go do it now!

The Final Paperwork:

If you’re like me and Kela is glaring at you due to the Etappi system (i.e. you have just completed your fourth year of studies and have yet to get your BA) please remember to do either one of these two things before the end of the academic year in July: either fill out another HOPS-form to show them that there is at least a glimmer of hope for you graduating some day, or, like me, fill out all the necessary paperwork, register all your studies and get your BA finalized. If you have already done so, good job, and please help me!

Remember to Keep in Touch:

Do not forget about your schoolmates over the summer. As far as I’m aware of, various members of SUB are arranging summer picnics over the summer. There’s also the off-chance that you might find various members of SUB nested in the various parks and bars of Helsinki over the summer. Also, on a related note, remember to check BTSB again this coming August for our awesome back to school special!

Remember to Browse Through All the New Articles:

Unfortunately due to current limitations placed by the format of BTSB we simply can’t get all monthly submissions to fit on the first page. To rectify this, we suggest you click on the button below which leads to page 2!

With that in mind you should be prepared for the upcoming summer. Please enjoy it and we’ll see you again next fall!

Desperately Trying To Graduate,
Patrik Renholm
Editor in Chief

Why am I a poor student? I don’t live at HOAS and I do both horse riding and dog agility on a regular once or twice a week basis. Horse riding has been a part of my past-time for a bit more than eleven years, but dog agility came into the picture three years ago, when Freya (my four-year-old Swedish Vallhund) turned one. Even though no specific equipment is needed for doing agility in an agility club (they provide the obstacles), the prices for training aren’t exactly low. They range from 10e to 20e per hour, depending on the situation and the club in question. Most dog training centres have courses on agility and some even have their own groups training regularly, but those are a bit more expensive.

Here’s how Wikipedia manages to describe dog agility very briefly: “Dog agility is a dog sport in which a handler directs a dog through an obstacle course in a race for both time and accuracy. Dogs run off-leash with no food or toys as incentives, and the handler can touch neither dog nor obstacles.” To compare it with equestrian sports, agility is like the dog version of show jumping, while obedience trial (ToKo) is more like dressage.

The thing with agility is that it’s fun and it gives the dog something to think about. Agility develops the relationship between a dog and the handler and is good exercise for both. It also provides an excellent way of getting to know the strengths and weaknesses of the dog. But as Wikipedia says, agility is mostly about precision and speed. Some dog breeds are used in agility more often than others. The most successful agility breeds all over the world are Border Collies and Shetland Sheepdogs. They are agile, obedient and very easy to train. Because a certain level of obedience is of course expected, having a highly trainable dog makes the job of the handler a lot easier.

I can’t remember when I first heard of agility, but my first personal experience was three years ago when I signed me and Freya up for a basic course in agility. I instantly knew that this was my kind of dog sport. I’ve now been doing agility with Freya regularly for two years. We’ve tried competing in it a couple of times, but since Freya has poor nerves (if at all) and not enough motivation (aka speed), it’s not been serious and probably will never be. Agility does give Freya the perfect way of letting off steam, though. She also likes the sausages she gets to eat at training.. For a while, we had training twice a week, but due to monetary problems, we’ve now gone back to once a week. I am probably going to get another dog, a Border Collie, in a couple of years and start doing agility a bit more seriously (or at least aim to compete more) with that one. I might even try ToKo with Freya in the future.

If you ever get a dog, or already have one, I recommend at least trying agility. It really is fun and usually the dogs like it too. It doesn’t have to be serious and competing in it is very much optional. Agility is a physical sport, which means that, unfortunately, training regularly isn’t for everyone. For dogs with problems with their backs or hips, other dog sports might be more suitable.

Finally, to provide you with an idea of what agility really is and what it should be, a couple of videos:

Here’s what it should look like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggVgVWkS_ig

…and here’s what it more often looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP8FiXAzCRg

There I was, thinking of what to write for this month’s issue of Better Than Sliced Bread. The theme was simple enough: hobbies and interests. Hell, I had hobbies and interests. Who doesn’t? There are loads of things I could write about without alienating our readership!

That was before I realized that nobody in their right mind would want to read my look into the morality of Dungeons and Dragons and how the game proposes a world-view with very little room for moral relativism but at the same time fails to answer key moral and ethical questions. (If, incidentally, you feel like you would’ve liked to read that, may I suggest that you seek help, you nerd?)

I could write about books, but there’s only so much to be said about the stuff I read, I could write about music, but I appreciate the fact that writing an article titled “Top 10 Bands You’ve Never Heard Of and Why You Should Feel Bad About It” wouldn’t exactly endear myself to my audience. So I decided to write about the one thing that can apply universally: an appreciation for the terrible, the bad, the horrible and the camp.

It’s actually a hobby that is very much in vogue these days: ever since the earnestness of the 80s gave way to the cynicism of the 90s there has been a cultural undercurrent of appreciating things for their cheesiness. In this age of the internet, access to things that used to be simply bad has increased, giving camp afficianados like myself a much needed resource for sharing all the horrible things that exist in this world. As the various video sites on the internet become more and more flooded with reviews for terrible video games, sarcastic analyses of pop culture staples and clips from Mystery Science Theater 3000 (which is in the opinion of yours truly one of the greatest shows ever made) it is almost impossible not to come into contact with something that is truly horrible or that relishes in the truly horrible for effect. With the main voice of our generation being the voice of disdainful irony and with anything of real artistic merit having been cut up and all of its various tropes and clichés analyzed, we tend to look for entertainment in the terrible.

But what is it about the camp that makes people gravitate towards it? How do we who seek out bad and terrible movies and other things justify to ourselves the time spent on something that we can only enjoy for its sheer lack of quality?

The explanation to this is manifold. On its most basic level it’s simply a feeling of schadenfreude. There is just something extremely visceral and primal about seeing something that another person has made, earnestly believing in its artistic merit and redeeming value, and completely blasting it and laughing at it. I’m not proud to admit it, but there is something cathartic about watching Manos: The Hands of Fate with the knowledge that the director thought he was making a modern horror masterpiece and seeing that the end result is just a terribly-scripted, unintentionally hilarious mess, whose few attempts at humour simply make you groan and whose serious moments make you laugh at the hamminess of the acting and scripting.

However, I believe that it is not simply unjustified feelings of superiority that drives us to appreciate the horrible. Another important factor at play is the fact that through exposure to truly terrible things one can come to truly appreciate the good things out there. For an example, for the longest time as a teenager I didn’t fully appreciate the awesomeness of the Super Mario Bros. games, simply because I’d become too exposed to them. The over-exposure to their awesomeness had made me lose all appreciation for that awesomeness. Now, enter the Super Mario Bros. movie. After watching that film and thinking “Wow, good thing the games aren’t as horrible as that turgid waste of time” I was actually capable of enjoying the simple fun of Super Mario World once again. Similarly, at one time in my life I actually doubted whether Dungeons and Dragons, a role-playing game that has brought me nothing but joy for years, was actually the game for me, I stumbled upon a truly horrible excuse for an RPG titled FATAL. I won’t bore you with the details, but the game was just so terribly written that it made me appreciate D&D, even with all of its flaws, on a completely different level.

But the most important reason for appreciating the terrible things in life is this: it’s fun.

Most truly great things are capable of evoking great emotions. However, evoking fun is not an easy task. While witty banter and great timing can make for a truly funny experience, there’s nothing that we enjoy more than seeing others fail, and what could be funnier than something that fails spectacularly at everything that it sets out to achieve? A good comedy can make you laugh, but an unintentionally funny movie can make you laugh even harder. To mention another example from the world of terrible movies, Troll 2, while a truly atrocious film, is probably one of the funniest films I’ve ever seen simply because you can tell that everyone involved in the movie is being completely earnest about it. When the movie tries to be funny it’s terrible, but at other times it manages to be so funny I wouldn’t be surprised if it had actually been meant as a travesty.

And that’s the most important thing: even if something is truly terrible and allegedly lacking in any redeeming value, its redeeming value may actually be found in how happy it makes us, even if for the wrong reason. Anything, when bad enough, whether it be literature, movies, games or television, can make us happier simply for the fact of knowing that better things are out there. They can make us laugh, if only because they fail at evoking any other emotion so spectacularly. They can make us feel like better people for experiencing them, if only because we aren’t the ones responsible for making something so horrible.

And in the end, it’s all about making people happy.

Further Reading:

• Mystery Science Theater 3000, the show that made making fun of terrible old movies cool.
• Tvtropes.org, the website dedicated to analyzing the hell out of everything you know and love.
• For movies notorious for their awesome lack of quality, see Troll 2, Manos: The Hands of Fate, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, or simply put any movie that has been featured on MST3K.

 

In my life so far I’ve dabbled in ballet, guitar, art, badminton and tennis, but only one hobby has stuck with me through the years: horse-back riding.  I started taking riding lessons as an eight-year-old, encouraged by my mother, and fourteen years later, I have had two horses.  Incidentally, my first one was the horse I had my very first riding lesson with.  The second one is a Friesian horse called Victor and I’ve had him for seven years now.

As you might have guessed, it’s not the cheapest hobby and therefore not the most obvious choice for a student, but if one has the time and the money, I highly recommend it.  I asked a fellow student what it’s like having this hobby in the metropolitan area (as I don’t go to the stables here, my horse is back in my hometown) and this is what I learned:

‘Horse-back riding in the Helsinki region is naturally more expensive than elsewhere in Finland. There are many stables and multiple choices on where to go.   Some stables focus on adult riders, some on show jumping and some on dressage.  There are also a couple of stables that specialize in organizing trail-riding on Icelandic horses for small groups. Depending on the place and quality of the riding school, the prices go up to c. 45-50 euros per lesson (in a group of 6-10 riders; up to 70 euros for a private lesson).  Many of the stables are out of reach of public transportation, but making the trip with friends (there is always someone with a car) is a good option.

Having your own horse is even more expensive and good stables are limited in the Helsinki region, but with your own horse, you are of course freer to do whatever you want to. For an experienced rider, loaning a horse is also a viable option.’

If there’s a sport where the equipment plays an important part, riding is definitely the most demanding one.  I’ve ruined pairs of pants, shoes, gloves and whatnot after one summer of riding and stable work every day.

So it’s expensive, time-consuming and it’s not always easy to get to the stables.  Why do we do it then?

Working together with a creature that weighs half a ton or more will not only boost your self-confidence, it will also give you a chance to escape work, studies and whatever troubles you may have.  As my born and bred Helsinkian source tells me: ‘Even though horse riding is sometimes even ridiculously expensive, it is totally worth it. It takes your mind off of other things and makes you relax in a way no other sport does.’

It’s no coincidence that riding therapy has become rather popular during the last ten years or so.  They are large creatures that have a very commanding presence.  Horses are very demanding and they require your full attention.  Going to the stables in a bad mood is not a good idea because horses will quickly pick up on that and mirror your attitude.  Horses prefer calm people.  I quickly learned to not let a bad day ruin my horse’s time with me, as well.

Knowing about  leg-yield, the usefulness of voltes, the difficulties of piaffe or the correct way to approach a fence may not be of much use in everyday or working life, but one great lesson that horses have taught me is the value of patience and concentration.  Training a young horse to not be afraid of every shadow and sound in the woods has also helped me strengthen my own nerves.  Falling off is not a big deal, either.  I’ve fallen plenty of times and have never been hurt to a point that I couldn’t get back on the horse in a few minutes.  However, I may have limped for a day or two afterwards.

What I love best of all is the companionship of such a powerful yet flighty creature as a horse.  Having owned horses since the age of ten I can say that they have had a big impact on me and I see them continuing to have a strong presence in my life.  Due to studying in Helsinki, I’m unable to see my horse as often as I’d like, but every time I go up north and see him, he treats me like I’d never been gone.  Although, sometimes he does mope a little, but he is not very good at staying angry with me.  Not when I give him a good scratch behind his ears and take him out for a little trek.

It’s never too late to get into this hobby and you won’t lose anything by trying it out once or twice.  The University of Helsinki has a club for those interested in horses and riding.  It’s called Troijan hevonen (The Trojan horse).  The aim of the club is to help students with horses and riding as common interests to get together and have a good time at the stables and outside the stables.  A quick look at the website (only available in Finnish) will tell you that the club is very active and welcoming.

http://www.helsinki.fi/jarj/troijanhevonen/